


New Rules

by shoujess



Series: New Rules [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: BDSM, Bathroom Sex, Blood Play, Breakfast foods, Come for the pron, Dom!Kylo, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First work - Freeform, Glory Hole, Humiliation, Hux toys with the reader, Kylo's character is kind of hard for me so we'll see what happens, Light Bondage, Naked Male Clothed Female, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Porn, Reader is kept prisoner in Kylo's room, Reader-Insert, Some Plot, Stay for the pron, Weird Plot, distant partner, lots of porn, reader catches feelings first, safe-ish sex practices, sub!Reader, the goal is to explore a lot of kinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-06-01 16:28:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15147167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoujess/pseuds/shoujess
Summary: Your coworkers had a list of rules, two of which explicitly stated to stay as far away from the Commander as possible. You would be needing some new rules.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where this came from. It just kind of appeared and I started writing it. I’ve been reading fan fiction for a decade now and I’m surprised it took me this long. This is pretty much just me getting high, playing around with writing, getting use to how it works, so I would absolutely love to hear feedback. There should be some plot ahead. I’ve got plans. For imagery purposes, the style of the bath is based on Sultan Amir Ahmad's bathhouse. E: This fanfiction is loosely based on the song 'New Rules' by Dua Lipa. Most every chapter has a song or two behind it so I'll try to remember to post those.

The air was heavy with mist; sweat and water mingled on your neck in confluent drops, streaming down when they got too heavy to stay in one place. Luckily, you had started wearing your hair up in an orderly but chaotic jumble of braids. _It will be better tomorrow_ , you promised yourself. They were looking better and better every day.

Rule 1: Braids are a part of the uniform.

You had been working as a bath house attendant for the elite and continually afflicted for a few months now, keeping these sequestered halls clean and serene to allow for meditation and large scale decisions that could affect your corner of the universe. Still pools of glimmering water sat scattered around the room, carved into the smoky grey, marble ground and big enough for a person to swim a few laps before losing their breath. To get into the bath you passed through a wash room, equipped with a refresher and low fragrance soap silkier on your skin than some clothes you had worn; you could only sneak a little at a a time but any shower with that soap was a treat you savored most. Next they were allowed into the pools, a vast room filled with a handful of different baths to sink into. They were a privilege for so few that the chance of more than one guest being in there at a time was not impossible but more than two was practically unheard of.

There were two steps down to make, one before the pool-intricate designs were carved into this step that showcased the dancing flames from the underground heater keeping the water at a relaxing temperature- and one into the pool. Swirls of blue, glass tiles adorned the floors leading to the water and cascaded down into the clear water, the colors creating a dappled look on the even surface.

It was a fairly easy gig.

Honestly, it was perfect. You mostly worked alone, the visitors didn’t really like to be disturbed so fairly minimal interaction, and the atmosphere was calming to the point where it felt like a dream most shifts. A warm, humid, peaceful dream where you monitored for puddles on the ground, adjusted the water temperature, and added salts or herbs to the water for various effects. After they were done soaking, they were brought to a changing room where the clothes and possessions they left were waiting for them alongside water for hydration and light snacks to stave off lightheadedness.

Rule 2: Silence is paramount.

Very few reached this part of the ship, mostly to keep noise to a minimum and reduce the potential of an attack when officials were vulnerable and without quick access to weapons; one had to know where this was even located, have access to the door code, and have the clearance to make it past the desk at the entrance. You knew firsthand how shrew-like and oddly intimidating the always-smiling, front desk attendant could be.

The other attendants were few in number but fine. Their job didn’t allow for much conversation at all but once together outside of work it was nonstop chatter, like a gush of water that had been damned; in the right mood it was like the buzz of an active bee hive or babbling of a small stream bed armored with rocks. It made you feel fuzzy inside to be around them, even on the first day. They trained you, showed you around the base, and made sure you knew whose rooms were closest to yours.

You kneeled by the edge, dipping your fingers into the water and admiring how warmly inviting the clear depths were. The way the tiles glimmered in the ripples made your heart swell; many a hours had been spent hand polishing them each during the weekly deep clean. The temperature was perfect, not that you doubted but it was always nice to experience your handiwork first hand. You smirked, _pun intended_.

Rule 3: Make sure everything is in order for the guest.

You stood up, your gossamer gown straightening from being pooled at your feet, it’s deep wine color starkly contrasted against the blue and grey of the floor. It’s lightweight material was perfect for the often sticky air and made little to no rustling when you had to pick up the pace and work fast. Your dress billowed behind you as you made your way to one of the worker’s hallways, a maze like jumble of hallways that allowed the workers to move efficiently between their own storage, preparation rooms, and deliver possessions to the post-bath changing rooms.

Rule 4: Under no circumstances do you mess, flirt, or engage with the Commander. You will get hurt in any scenario involving him.

Once inside, you checked the screen that alerted you to impending visitors. You had a few names for throughout the day but the second one was blinking red with a name you didn’t recognize. _Important_. Your tongue swept across the roof of your mouth and flicked itself against your top teeth as you pushed the sounds around, playing with the few but unusual syllables. Before you could even try to recognize who it was, the screen whistled, pushing the blinking name up into the first slot where it promptly turned yellow signaling that they were checked in and heading into the initial wash room. You swallowed hard and grabbed a fresh stack of thick towels, hoping only good reasons behind the sudden change to walk-in. Good thing no one else's appointment had been pushed back because of this person.

Stepping outside of the air conditioned hallway and into the now slightly dissipated but still muggy room was always a transition. In here, your thoughts were minimal. Your breathing was slowed and dulled, the sweep of your legs against one another one of the only noises you emitted. Every little thing echoed in your marble cavern so you were sure to exude everything you stood for: grace, simplicity, and an atmosphere the gods would feel compelled to visit. Maybe you took your job too seriously, or maybe you just found what was made for you. You positioned yourself in front of the door, halfway between them and the closest pool, ready to follow behind. You pulled a gauzy veil over your face and it fell down to your sternum; while it certainly didn’t make your job any more ventilated, it was long and allowed for a nice breeze. The nature of your job was intimate and bare so it was only fair that if your guests could hide nothing the least you could do was create some illusion of decency. At least this way they don’t notice if you’re staring.

Rule 5: Wear your veil. Keeping your head down prevents many accidents, should the veil fail.

The door slid open and then closed shut a few seconds later, it took several more until a set of large feet walked into your peripheral vision. You waited until they were on the other side of you to follow quickly behind, not too far behind so you knew where to go but close enough to keep only the knee down visible. You clutched the towels to your chest as you padded barefoot and silently behind the person in front of you, slowing down once the swirl of tiles thickened, signaling a pool was approaching. You stepped down and felt the hot lick of fire on your heel for a second before you headed to kneel beside the pool, head down and staring into the water. You heard the tap of a foot touch the surface, causing thin ripples to dance into your view.

“Is the temperature to your liking?” You asked, your voice came out placid and even. The first few days on the job your voice had cracked, hung up on the unacknowledged act of nudity right in front of you, but now you were a seasoned attendant, lulled into a routine you may never forget.

A low grumble was the reply as they sank into the water, long legs coming into focus which prompted you to close your eyes. You placed your hands on your thighs, minutes passed by as you allowed your guest to seep in before you interrupted them again.

“Would you like any herbs or salts in your bath? I can list what we offer and bring out whatever you would wish to smell first,” you stated.

A warm, very male voice reverberated through your ears and echoed around you as he spoke, “Whatever scents you suggest.” Not an uncommon request but a tricky one none the less.

“Yes, sir.” You bowed your head further before standing up and making your way to storage.

Rule 6: Keep your interactions short.

Once inside, you lifted your veil and took a gulp of fresh air, inhaling the clean scent of water that permeated everything here and the mingling of over 50 perfumes. You sashayed to a work station and started quickly, tossing together whatever came to mind in an oval shaped bowl. The use of healing herbs didn’t seem fit considering his legs did not look marred by battle in which case, he was most likely preparing for what he was going to face.

Chamomile was a gentle and soothing scent, lemon balm would make a refreshing addition to brighten the mind, and a few different salts could relax any muscles that had tensed up until now. You brought your sharpened wheel down into the bowl and pushed it forward, brought it back, pushed it forward, and brought it back again, crushing the herbs and opening up the smells for further potency. Once mixed well enough you loaded up a few wire mesh balls with your concoction, wiped your station down, and headed back out after lowering your veil once more. Your foot hit the damp ground but made no noise. You smirked, satisfied over your improvement in not slipping and spilling ground up plants everywhere. _That had been a mess_.

You lowered yourself down next to the pool and dropped one ball into the surface, a cloud of bubbles appearing as it sank. You stood up and walked around the perimeter of the pool, lowering and sinking the balls in at intervals, making sure they were spread out. You held the last one by it’s chain and walked towards your guest, unable to avoid him coming into your view as much as he did. You couldn’t look away, his features were simple but commanding. Milky skin, high cheekbones, a long nose that led to pale pink lips, slightly opened. You knelt down slowly this time, eyes still trained on him, and lowered the last ball in by its chain, soaking up what you could of his classically set face.

Before you realized what you were doing, you had one hand in front of the other, crawling towards the naked man in front of you but feeling like the exposed one, your actions clearly stating your curiosity. Mere feet away and your brain caught up, you stopped with your breath caught just behind your lips and a growing blush on your cheeks. You sat still for what felt like hours and when you felt safe to move again, you didn’t listen.

You inched closer, positioning your face above his as he laid with his head resting on the edge, arms splayed out on either side and anchoring him. His eyelashes were long, especially when resting on his skin. He had an assortment of moles scattered across his cheekbones that radiated outwards. A proud, aquiline nose stood out before your attention was brought to a small cut in the corner of his mouth. It looked so soft otherwise and would be the perfect place to start-

Your eyes shot to his brown ones, mirroring the same incredulous look at first until yours continued to widen while his narrowed. You thanked the tiniest bit of luck that you clearly must have for the mandatory veil over your face because your face was heading into comically red territory. You stammered out what you hoped was a plea to continue living your measly life and threw yourself back. The unforgiving marble made your wrists sting but you continued to crawl away belly up, a sign of submission to the more intimidating sense of dread that had settled at the top of your throat. His head turned towards you and then his body followed suit until he was perched on the edge, lower half of his body still submerged and staring. You blushed further and cursed the crystal, clear liquid.

Rule 7: Stay away from the Commander.

His hand shot out and grabbed a hold of your ankle, each individual finger curling slowly and clamping down. You noticed he was now situated a little more out of the water, allowing for a good angled view of his abdominal muscles down to his navel-

_Gods. Even in a situation like this, his body is what I think about._

He brushed his thumb over your anklebone which drew your attention back up to his chin, that one corner again, his cheeks, and finally to his eyes. Focused and imploratory, they conveyed a great amount of confidence, of getting what he wanted. He slid his hand up your calf softly and kneaded his way back down, repeating this a few times until your body began to visibly relax. You released a slow breath and straightened out your fingers where they had started to form fists. Not a second later, he tugged on your leg to bring you closer, dress riding up to the tops of your thighs while the back trailed into the water along with your feet. The dread that sat at the top of your throat started melting, dripping down and pooling right below your stomach. His fingers climbed higher, fanning on your thigh, spread out enough to cover enough ground without losing his grip. His nails dug in and scraped their way back to your knee. If you hadn’t been too busy taking a quick breath in, you may have moaned.

Again, they went up but this time they ventured for the sweet, soft skin of your inner thigh. You shivered as his touch ghosted this sensitive strip of skin, sliding your dress up further. One of your hands had enough sense to pull your dress back down but it wasn’t fast enough. Invisible bands clamped your hand back down as he clicked his tongue in disapproval.

You shoved your hands down hard into the ground and looked up in exasperation. The pressure on your wrists eased up but a different, warm kind of pressure was building up above your thighs, not too far from the near boiling pool of molten need. You let out a sigh and slowly brought your gaze back down, hoping _but not really_ that the situation had changed.

It had.

Both hands were out of the water now, but the look he was giving you was a challenge. To leave unwillingly and chase after decency or stay and give into what you were already wanting. If the next look he gave you was akin to anything it would be praise, satisfaction oozed alongside the confidence creating a heady, cloying scent that should have left you breathless and intoxicated _maybe another time_ but instead turned on a switch inside of you. The idea of more praise was a drug, you clung to it in hopes that a bigger, better high was headed your way. You dared to think it got better than this.

Just being mere inches from this man had you eager and ready for more without even knowing what he offered and that terrified you. Your heart started racing again, you were dropping fast. Before you could get too far on fear and self-doubt, he placed his hands on your knees and spread them apart, bending down to brush his lips on the inside of one thigh before softly nipping the other. You went to snap your legs together but stopped suddenly, the warm, hazy thought of _praise_ reminded you of a loftier prize.

Your tongue bristled with his name on the tip of it but something besides the setting stopped you, perhaps the need to continue weaving the illusion that this was normal, that you shouldn’t want to run away and scream at the top of your lungs. _I wonder what he would do if I said no?_ You took a second to look him in the eyes again, whether he knew it or not, and as domineering as he looked, consent and obedience seemed like a requirement. Where was the fun in taking something not completely and freely given?

As he nuzzled your inner thighs, you couldn’t help but think that you were breaking an awful lot of rules right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it through the first chapter. :) I apologize profusely for the cliff hanger but I'm benevolent. The next two chapters (immediately uploaded after this, might I add) should more than make up for it. Lemme know if something doesn't make sense or add up. Sometimes I sit down and write straight through, other times I piece the story together bit by bit so ama.
> 
> *disclaimer: i like a good non-con as much as the next person that likes non-con but this is not that story. dubious consent, maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the rest of that cliffhanger

_The spoon clattered to the table, splashing standard issue mashed potatoes all over the fake, cracking particleboard._

_“You’re lying. You’ve got to be. There’s literally no possible rea-”_

_“Nope. I would glow underneath a black light. He just kept cumming and cumming-”_

_“Okayokayokayokay, gods almighty, I believe you just shut up about it..”, he trailed off and stuck his fork into a sad pile of green beans with more force than usual._

_“Look, it’s not like I threw myself at his hot, dripping wet, squeaky cle-”_

_He dropped his fork, more food splattered onto the table, and buried his face in his hands, smushing his fingers into his eye sockets. The more adjectives she used, the louder he groaned._

_“You think this is a game,” he moaned. “You think this is a game and I’m going to have to watch him destroy a soul all over again.” His lamentation continued, specifically about someone being chewed up and spit out, that the sarlacc pit would be a kinder way to go. You had to wonder if he was just being jealous or over dramatic. Looking over at the girl, she looked fine: laughing, swatting off any too personal questions, she even kind of glowed.._

 

Not even two weeks later, she showed up at the table ragged and puffy eyed. Everyone gathered around, patting whatever body part they could get to and alternating between shushing and cooing. A few minutes later, the dissenter showed up, took one look, and swept her up into his arms. She cried some more and kept muttering about how she should have listened, should have followed the rules. 

Kylo Ren’s tongue was probing inside you, his predator like eyes staring you down until you felt more uncomfortable the moments he looked away.

Rules be damned.

He had you pinned and placed how he wanted, exposed to his desire and anyone else that happened to walk by. Despite what his mouth was doing _something godly_ you had taken it upon yourself to keep the noise to a minimum. He hadn’t mentioned it so you kept on and figured the less attention you called, the better this would end.

Your feet had found his back and were now alternating between digging in and some kind of tap dance. You were getting lost in the long, kill-me-slowly licks from bottom to top, making sure to stop and draw your clit into his mouth only to rapidly flick the tip of his tongue against it.

The result of him doing this a few times was some kind of whiny pant coming out between parted lips with sharp gasps peppered in. You were starting to lose focus, his pace picked up to a near furious level, and all at once it felt like sunshine racing to where he was. Your thighs were clamped down on the sides of his head, holding him where he was when all at once you loosened the hold. You tossed your head from side to side and whined more emphatically this time, causing him to slow down and look up at you while trying your hardest to convey with your eyes that the one and only thing you wanted was to have him face to face when you came. 

He licked you one more time for good measure and kissed his way up your sensitive body, each kiss on your hip bone, stomach, ribs earning a jump in the other direction. He teased your nipple through the _tastefully but oh thank your lucky stars_ thin material of your dress, your nails dug into the palm of your hand to keep from gasping loudly. He must have decided to reward your efforts because the next thing you knew felt was a gentle prodding followed by thick length spreading you apart and filling you to the very millimeter. The hem of your dress was raised well above your navel, some parts hanging into the water, but your veil was still intact. Neither of you had made a move to take it off and you rather liked the edge it gave you, every expression hidden, every emotion doled out. You were making him work for it.

What started out at an easy but satisfying pace quickly spiraled into a frenzied tangle of limbs and various fluids. He pushed himself out of the water and you scooted back, the heat of candles warning you to not get closer but his pace was pushing you back, his thrusts so powerful you dug your nails into his back, earning a growl when the tiny half moons started bleeding as you drug them down his sides. He tucked his face down into the crook of your neck and braced one arm beside you while the other one’s hand curled around your waist, digging into your side and causing pinpricks of white to appear in your outer vision. You bucked your hips into his wildly, hoping to not seem as inexperienced as you felt but needing to keep that **that** _thatthatthat_ feeling going as long as time existed. You tossed your head back and clamped down tight on everything you were feeling, every jerky movement he made as he rode his own high. You milked his cock with the intense pulsations of your walls, each time an after shock that threatened to toss you back to the merciless pleasure of an orgasm when he twitched just right. You picked your head up and moved it forward to nuzzle his chest a bit, relishing in the after glow of sex, the heat of fire still close behind and the hot cum already seeping out from inside you. Your face burned at the thought of someone slipping in your own mingled juices and rationally decided you had better clean yourself up fast and in the privacy of a bathroom. 

You lifted your veil only slightly and kissed the salty skin of his clavicle, giving it one suck before pulling away, standing up, and adjusting your dress. You had literally no idea what you would say to anyone but you hoped to buy some time while you cleaned up. You reached down to pick up the towels, being sure to leave the driest for him, when his hand held onto your wrist while the other-

“No,” you stated, your free arm a barrier between his curiosity and your need to process what just happened without him knowing who you were, how to find you, anything else his post might leave him privy to. You needed to make sure you could make this right. Fun but right.

Before he could convince you otherwise, you snatched your arm and ran towards the door, noting that he wasn’t chasing after you. There would be plenty of time for that later.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get a cool end of the stick and cross something off your sexual bucket list without doing a *complete* stranger.

The rest of the day went by much like you would expect it to. You checked the schedule on your way out to see who you could expect at dinner tonight and loitered around in fear of walking the halls and running into him.

You leaned back against the wall with your fingers pinched at the bridge of your nose wondering why you thought breaking The Rules would make things easier. You had only had them literally chanted at you while you slept but the fact that you never met him, never saw hide nor hair of the guy except in sobbing, passing stories, you honestly kind of thought he didn’t exist. Not that you thought he was the collectivist lie of a string of upset ladies but to be frank, you just didn’t give him much thought. Until he suddenly became your problem by the promotion of a daytime attendant which finally bumped you off the night shift and right into his playground. You had only learned the common language's tongue so far, and were still working on your reading and writing. You stomped your foot a bit and cursed your awful study habits.

You turned around and smushed your face into the wall, thinking it might absorb your issues if you pushed hard enough. You glanced at the time out of the corner of your eye and decided to head out before people started showing up for their shifts. The last thing you wanted was any kind of questions about how your shift went.

 

You sat in bed that night wondering why you felt swindled. You felt like he had taken something form you despite the fact that everything had been consensual. You starfished the mattress, hoping any answers just outside your reach could be caught this way. Was it your non-relationship, did he steal your anonymity from you? Some how, some way, you had crossed paths. You didn’t know if they would ever parallel, for how long, or if it was just a brief, passing moment but you were in new territory called 'who is this man and how am I suppose to act around him'. The sex was great but the way he commanded the dominant position, like it was as natural as the day is long, it was his right. Was it an assumption even if it was the truth? Could he sense that or was it the natural response to flock to his nepenthes like nature, tumbling down, until you realize you just wasted a whole evening wallowing in your thoughts.

It was 13 minutes of voyeuristic sex and you were coming undone at the seams. Is this what all the other girls felt? This sickly sweet, nauseous feeling settled into your stomach knowing you had captivated him for that long, were you tapping into this shared emotion of all that came before you, like some kind of sorority or spiritual connection? For 13 minutes, you were it. His stress relief, his distraction and release from a problem that transcended your tiny existence; he moved an empire, you on the other hand would be extra thorough when you deep cleaned that pool next. 

Was he magic? Thinking back, you’re pretty sure possession may have been involved. You had **_never_** done some one that casually before. Think about it? Sure, more times than you could count. But putting your body where your thoughts were… That was just not your style. You got attached. And easily. Already you could feel your patience twiddling it’s thumbs, anxious and excited all at once to see what else might be in store. If it was time for sexual fantasy fulfillment-

Nononono _nononoo._ This was not good. You were going to be up all night.

-

 

-

 

-

 

That next morning was not your finest collection of hours. You kept your mouth shut, afraid of what might come out while also being predisposedly lubed up by an otherworldly entity named ‘5 hours of sleep’. She was a force to be reckoned with. You grabbed a bowl of oatmeal and shoved it under your shirt, careful to take the halls with less traffic because explaining why you were smuggling a bowl of mush out of the cafeteria wasn’t high on your list of things to do. Nor was running into anyone who has, at any point in time, had their head between your legs. Which was bound to happen.

That tiny bit of luck left in your life was blown on and given life when some one ran after him and yelled, “Commander”. You looked up from your hunched over, avoidant eye bit with enough time to see a cloud of black billowing your way and make a 45° turn into a conveniently placed hallway. You ran and turned around another corner, clutching the oatmeal under your shirt and forcing your eyes shut until the sound of his boots hitting the floor wasn’t timed with your heartbeat anymore, fading until you were certain you had imagined it. _You hadn’t._

You ate a few spoonfuls before finishing the trek to your room, moral support and all that jazz. You let out the breath you had kept to yourself once the door closed behind you, giving you something to lean up against as you stress ate the rest of what was in the bowl, scraping up what you could. Maybe you should have taken two bowls..

Your alarm went off telling you it was almost time for work. Ugh, work..

You hadn’t had time to talk to anyone and even if you had, you wouldn’t know what to say other than “hey all, I know I’ve watched a couple of you get torn apart by this one guy but he kissed parts that made me witness the universe forming, any who, what should I do?” And for some reason that just wasn’t fitting. You were going in cold and unprepared; he might be there. He would probably be there. He would be naked again, his unclothed body would be within reach again. You pounded your fists on the bed, hoping that the abuse would charm some fairy godmother to appear and whisk you away to your real prince charming. Instead, you surmised as you started braiding your hair, you were counting down the minutes until you saw prince harming _ugh_  a sense of foreboding and excitement pierced your lungs. You had 15 minutes until you had to leave for work and that was 15 minutes you needed to come up with anything.

-

 

-

 

-

 

The hall seemed more tense than usual. Or maybe that was just you. It seemed smaller in a way, like the walls were closing in on you in every direction. Any sound seemed amplified and everyone you came across watched you with suspicion, or exhaustion. You weren’t the best at discerning between the two _also kind of a worry wart_. The too-wide-smiled receptionist’s gaze lingered on you as you clocked in _you were earlier than usual_ which had to mean she knew. The attendant who was clocking out told you to have a fantastic day _you had bags under your eyes so you probably needed it_ so they must know how great of a shift you had yesterday. Hurrying into the back rooms probably didn’t help if anyone **did** have a lingering suspicion that you fucked the Commander but you were willing to take those chances if it meant getting away from the few people you could possibly run into. You were going to get something out of this meeting with him and by Gods you were determined to suck this man’s dick.

You waited patiently in a chair by the screen that would tell you when someone was headed your way. You had swept, you had mopped, you had chopped, you had crushed into a fine powder, you measured, you packaged, you had done every bit of preparation you could think of before a guest you came. Patiently wasn’t exactly the best word to describe it. Your dress may have a permanent crimp in it from where your hands were fisting the fabric in your lap. You had enough decency to keep it to yourself but in all honesty, you were salivating. You were waiting. You knew he would come and he did, after about 3 hours. Which was plenty of time to think of how this could go. 

The screen chimed, alerting you that the guest was in the undressing room but you didn’t have to read the name to see who it was.

_KYLO REN_

You said all the cuss words you could think of to kill time _probably invented a few_ and to blow off steam. Now you had some confidence, a little wind beneath your wings that helped achieve that adroit saunter you were sporting as you strolled down the hall and straight into his room. You were headed into the lion’s den and would need to get as close to ‘cool as a cucumber’ as possible. He was already behind the curtain, according to plan, so you peeled your veil away from your face and on top of your head. You had hoped the front desk lady hadn’t been watching the floor map and hadn’t seen that door light up even though the room was in use. You had a lot riding on her not doing her job.

“Took long enough,” he said. 

You bent down to leave what you had brought with you by the door. You didn’t want him thinking you had put too much thought into this. He didn’t need to know that he had successfully infiltrated your mind, festering like a rot despite not having been there for elong.

“I’m sorry, Sir.” _Psyche._ “I figured-”

“Don’t pretend to know what I think or want,” his demand came out clear and not to be trifled with. Fortunately, you had a penchant for toeing lines, you _totally_ knew when enough was enough.

“-that you wouldn’t object too much at the thought of seeing me but if I was wrong,” you continued. You couldn’t help but fish a little after the last 24 hours. It probably won’t be this easy if there ever was a second opportunity.

“What did you actually come here for, not for an easy compliment hopefully. I would hate to disappoint.” The way he said it sounded kind of the opposite, though.

You walked up to the plastic curtain separating you from him and touched your fingertips to it, hoping he would see the action as demure and not an attack on his life. The last thing you needed to do was die horny.

He sighed, “Show me your face.” _Hm, interesting._

“I want three answers to three questions first.” 

He made a noise that you hoped was a chuckle. “I can deny answering a question, if I want to.”

“Why do you want to see my face?” you asked.

“Next question,” he stated almost immediately. _Damn, I doubt that means he won’t veto another question._ You wondered what exactly you would get out of him.

“Can you wait?” you asked. 

“Not long,” was his reply.

“One more time,” you whispered as you grabbed a fistful of the curtain and ripped a hole the size of your palm out of it. You needed that noise to not carry out of the room; you hoped and prayed as your knees sank closer to the ground that there would be no interruptions. You didn’t think you could handle not getting this; this particular fantasy had wriggled it’s way into the recesses of your mind that thrived on the dark, the dirty, the monsters that made your heart race for more than one reason. The odds of coming across a situation like this that so readily presented itself and fulfilled a deep-seated dream of yours would be slim to none. And whose to say you liked the next option this much?

You pressed your forehead to the fabric above the hole, knowing he had every right to whip you for the pervert you were or send you where ever depraved people go. You opened your mouth and rolled your tongue out rather shakily and let it hang over the other side of the curtain, ready when he was for whatever he saw fit. You resigned yourself to the fact that he may ignore you and your forwardness, your brazen proposition, that you may sit here for the duration of his shower and have to be fine with it. Fine with nothing more than yesterday.

You hoped that he didn’t want to reject you as much as you didn’t want to be rejected, that your needs and wants were reaching through the air to infect him. You felt something hit your tongue and immediately closed your lips around it, not wanting it to leave  your mouth. Your eyes widened as it moved a bit and curled around the corner of your lip, hooking you like a caught fish.

“Did you think you could just ask and receive?” He asked. Your tongue worked it’s way up and down his finger, trying to eat away at his will by showing him what he could be experiencing. Any outward sign of frustrationwas squashed; the last thing you needed him seeing was how much of a brat you were. No, this was a guilty pleasure but also the only way you could think to offer what you were willing to give him.

“Maybe since you were so creative…,” he trailed off, tugging your mouth open more and trailed his finger down underneath your chin, pushing it up a little. You were drooling at this point, panting and ready for what you both wanted. When he finally placed himself in your mouth, you sighed. You kept your mouth wide open, relishing in his hot length laid out on your tongue. More than anything you wanted to get started but decided it would be in your best interest to show him you weren’t all selfishness.

“Very good,” he affirmed. “I like it when your mouth is full.”

You tapped the underside of his cock with your tongue and moved it out then back in, out further, back in with more pressure until you were lapping up what ever you could touch. Closing your mouth and hollowing your cheeks out, you pulled back and let him go with a pop, head resting against your lips. You rolled your tongue around the tip, dipped it into his slit and was immediately rewarded with a drop of precum. You moaned and pushed on, taking him further in after every release, hoping every second in the cold air made him crave your swollen lips more. You worked your way as far down as you could and enjoyed the feeling of most of the commander’s cock in your mouth, the smiling and shifting of your mouth causing a shiver to run down his back and bumping the tip of him against the back of your throat. The thought of giving his balls some attention made your mouth water more but that would have to happen another time.

You picked up the pace, the accumulation of saliva making wet, sloppy sounds that made you blush. You sneaked your fingers down slowly to your panties, pushing them to the side to swirl one finger lightly around your entrance. You moved your finger up a few inches, aiming for the swollen bud, only to be stopped. Your hand wouldn’t move; it was like someone had cut it off but painless. You pulled your head back, letting most of him leave your mouth, to check and make sure it really was still there. It was.

He chuckled, “No.” That same pulsing, staticky feeling returned but pulled your hand over to rest at your side. You whimpered knowing the release you would rub out later would be nothing compared to one you could be having in a few minutes. Like a woman scorned, you lashed out, wrapping your arms around his waist which made the curtains ride up as you shoved his cock in your mouth and down your throat until you couldn’t take much more. You released him and went back to do the same thing but swirled your tongue around this time; timed and doled out at first until your head and your tongue were dancing an erratic dance as old as time. Why, just yesterday he had his face-

The resurgent memory sent a spike down to your core, a small moan escaping around his dick in your mouth. He reached his arm out around the curtain and grabbed a handful of your braids. When that didn’t do he wrapped his hand around the back of neck, the tips of his fingers stealing upevery so often to caress the half inch of hair that wasn’t done up. And in those moments, he made a mistake. He humanized you. He humanized himself, with an endearing quirk he probably didn’t even realize he was doing. You sighed at the thought, the vibrations in your throat causing him to jerk out of your mouth until just the tip was resting on your reluctant-to-let-go tongue.

“What do you want?” He asked, the strain causing his voice to deepen. The ache between your legs surged at the thought of what his face must look like right now. Man, this was hot.

The mouth shapes for “you to cum” when something was in your mouth were really unintelligible but were also three long licks of your tongue on the underside of his cock. Like you had coaxed it out of him, hot pools of semen landed on your tongue as you held it out like the offering cup of a beggar. You waited, swallowed, and lowered yourself off of your knees to rest on the ground before you pulled the veil back over your face. _Those are going to hurt in the morning._

Noises were made behind the crumpled, torn curtain that suggested he was washing up and finishing his shower. _Thankfully_. All the noise from earlier couldn’t have gone unnoticed. You picked yourself off the floor, wiped your mouth off on his pile of black clothes while he wasn’t looking, and went about swiftly and nimbly taking down the shower curtain. If he doubted your actions at all, which was totally understandable, he only made it known by standing still for an unordinary amount of time. You looked at his still form over your shoulder and figured that’s why he was staring at you.

“I would rather change it than try to explain…” you sighed. Who would question him? It had been a good thought, though.

You folded it up amongst some towels you had brought in with you so anyone you ran across wouldn’t question what you were holding and turned to face him before you left.

“Can I see you tonight?” 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: choking, asphyxiation play  
> I suggest that everyone research choking before trying it; it can be dangerous when not done correctly. I'm almost certain one Kylo Ren is well-versed in how to do it.
> 
> I'm slow at writing sex scenes but I'm hoping to get faster with more practice. I fleshed out the outline for this story so that should get things moving. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work. Enjoy :)
> 
> Hunger of the Pine by Alt-J worked magic on putting me into the right headspace for this chapter.

_ Maybe I need some rehab _

_ Or maybe just need some sleep _

_ I've got a sick obsession _

_ I'm seeing it in my dreams _

_ I'm looking down every alley _

_ I'm making those desperate calls _

_ I'm staying up all night hoping _

_ Hitting my head against the wall _

_ What you've got, boy, is hard to find _

_ I think about it all the time _

 

-Kesha

 

Much to your surprise (maybe also chagrin, you hadn't decided what you wanted out of this), he had no qualms with you visiting that night. He told you when he would be done with training so you assumed anytime after that would be fine. Assuming anything with him was a dangerous game but maybe this time it wouldn't backfire.

You made sure to lift some more of the expensive soap from work, pampering yourself for the night ahead. You wondered how fancy his soap was and made a mental note to see about worming a shower out of him at some point.

Once back in your room, you set about cleaning whatever you could get your hands on. Your stomach was a mess so food was out of the question, it was too early to shower, and your jaw was still killing you from earlier.  _That_ appetite was roaring and ready to go.

Sitting on your bed for an hour was decent enough preparation. In that amount of time you had come to the conclusion that your health would deteriorate if being around him hours from now made you this nervous.

Sure, he was intimidating. He was a known mass murderer, had a temper darker than his attire, and, as far as you knew, his only human quality was a penchant for messy sexual workplace relationships. But there had to be something besides that. Did he love his mom, what food does he always scrape to the side of his plate, shoe size? You didn't have much time but your laundry list of questions was burning a hole in your mind knowing some would never get answered.

Did you even want to know what kind of mom would love him? Was she normal or even alive? Was she a part of his tragic backstory or did he just wake up evil one day and uproot any expectations his parents had for him? The possibilities made you more curious as you imagined them, holding back the worry that your eagerness would likely get you tossed out of his room on your ass, no questions answered.

Maybe that's what he needed. Some extra care.

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

The excess lather in your hair plopped onto the refresher floor, sliding down your legs and the drain in cloud-like puffs of soap. Starting at your hairline, you worked your fingertips in tiny circles and massaged conditioner into your roots and scalp. Once you reached the back of your head, the tiny knots in your neck that had accumulated over the days disappeared; sending a shivery tingle down your legs, to the tips of your toes. You rolled your head and shoulders trying to loosen them up, spark some life into a body that was running on fumes. You were rigorous and thorough while cleaning your body, rubbing your skin red. The already near-scalding water felt more hot on your raw skin but it was necessary; the breeze from the hole in your shower curtain did good on letting itself in, making you shiver when it puffed on the back of your knee.

Your skin sang praises in your name as you slathered yourself in moisturizer-the slight citrus scent a refreshing addition- something you rarely had to put on with all the humidity at work but you would rather use lotion than perfume. You wove your hair into a loose braid, it had grown significantly this year and you were proud of it. 

Rule 1: Braids are a part of the uniform

You slipped a grey tunic on over your black leggings and headed to grab something to eat before passing out on your bed later, waiting.

You took one look at yourself in the mirror before heading out; your eyes were wide and alert and your skin glowed no thanks to the scrubbing, expensive soap, and relentless moisturizing. You pursed your lips-the grappa berries at dinner had given them a dark red tint- and smiled as your eyes wandered down to the peek of curves your outfit gave.

How _could_ he have said no?

Rule 2: Confidence is paramount.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

You took the long way to where he told you his room was; long way meaning, you walked several times around the ship, got yourself lost a few times, and wandered by the room every now and then to see if it would do something: open, disappear, would he poke his head out and look for you? It was so quiet in this part that you wondered if he had just chosen a deserted conference room to fuck in.

Rule 3: Get your shit in order.

No, no. You slapped your cheeks and shook your head. It would do no good to think like that. You had to treat this like an assignment. A primal, purely physical one that meant keeping yourself safe and most of your heart intact. You were prepared to lose some in the fallout of fucking with a pompous, easily-angered Commander of the First Order. His flaws aside, the sheer influence he had over the world as you knew it had your legs aching, your mind whirring at how it must feel to kneel down before him and suck-

Wait, you knew how that felt. And you were still riding that high.

When enough of your confidence had built up, you walked to the door and stood beside it. There were no markings, no screen or room number to make it stand out. Just that it was the only room around for a few halls, which fit the bill for where he told you to show up. When nothing happened for several minutes, you started to wonder if you had come too early. Too late? Maybe he had been by here and left when you hadn’t shown up.

You pushed yourself off the wall and knocked once for good measure and went to walk away when it opened. Your bottom lip fell, looking beyond the entrance and seeing a hallway that turned right after a few paces. The hair on the back of your neck rose, goose bumps popped up on your arm, but you swallowed and reassured yourself that you would at least get out alive. You stepped in and the door slammed shut behind you, casting a shadow over your part of the hall. You could hear noise coming from within but waiting here seemed like the right thing to do. Were you sure this is what you wanted? Could you trust yourself to not get pulled in? You didn’t want to be the next girl to cry her eyes out into a shitty omelet because of this guy. You just wanted to wear his semen splattered across your face. Big difference. 

Rule 4: This is just sex.

“Did you not spend enough time outside?” He asked mockingly. You rounded the corner and stood just outside the lit room you heard his voice come from.

“Were you stalking me?” You asked with, hopefully, just a _tinge_ of denigration. Any more and you may not get your way tonight. You weren’t entirely sure you hated the whole “mystery gal” part. It was pretty convenient on your end, though, so of course it would be appealing for him to take that advantage from you. But you weren’t going down without a fight.

“You should have been here a long time ago. I don’t like that you’ve made flitting around me like an animal trying to escape a habit,” he stated. 

“Are you upset that I ran from you in the hallway?” Well, that was quite the revelation. Could he sense when you were close by just with the two times you had seen each other? You had heard about the Force but seeing it in action was a lot different from hearing it in passing or from some girl at the bar loudly boasting about the one thing this one guy did to her.You shucked your shoes and off and wiggled out of the tight, black leggings he was going to miss out on. Picking your left foot off the ground, you stretched it out and let it dangle in the doorway. 

Rule 5: Keep as little clothes as possible involved.

No answer. You rolled your eyes _not surprised_ and stepped your foot on the ground, feigning a step but instead dragging the arch up the doorway. The movement forward gave you a better glimpse of the room. The bed was situated on the side furthest from you with a side table on both sides, a tall, thick candle situated on top of each. Other forms of tables or dressers were scattered across the room with two more candles, the flames keeping a firelight glow flickering throughout the whole room. He looked like he had been sitting on the edge of the bed closest to you, anticipating but distant. You stuck your fingers in your mouth and started sucking on them.

_HOOK_

This next part had to be done fast so you used the movement of your naked leg onthe unsuspecting Commander and took off into the room, pinching your fingers together over the wick of the first one by the doorway, stepping fast towards him and straddling his lap before leaning over and blowing out the second candle. 

LINE

He grabbed you around your ribcage, lifted you up, and tossed you on your back. The top of your head barely cracked thebed frame before falling onto fluffy pillows you were instantly coveting. His hands landed on either side of your face, you turned-hoping he would think you were taken in by his sudden appearance-and blew on the third candle. The only one left was to your backs, casting dark shadows in all the right places to keep your face shrouded.

**SINKER**

“Naughty girl,” he said as he stared into your eyes, drinking up whatever he could. You were nervous, a bit scared, and trying not to focus on his face. His gorgeous, well-defined, chiseled by the stars themselves-

“Well, I have something you want. Can’t blame me for wanting to even the field a tad..” You pouted.

“Oh, I can cure you of that,” he said next to your ear. The tip of his ear ghosted the skin just under your lobe, so feather light but you didn’t jump, didn’t squeak. You couldn’t. 

“I don’t know,” you said, rubbing your legs against his, “my curiosity is a part of who I am.”

“You can think that. I’m talking about your wants,” as his mouth worked it’s way down your neck, stopping once to nip at the pulse point near your jaw. He paused at your sternum and looked up at you, his smoldering brown eyes looked like hot coal with the fire dancing behind him. He was looking at you; this was the third time you had met and were just now meeting face to face. Your hand clenched the sheets as you stared back, neither daring to break the first contact between you two. His gaze never left as he made his way down to your tunic covered breast, kissing the skin that laid just outside of it’s protection. One hand worked deftly at loosening the layers of your top while the other slipped under the fabric and grazed over your nipple, earning a buck of your hips into his. Your eyes rolled back a bit as you pressed against him and felt his unyielding cock, still restrained by his pants. 

His tongue clicked, prompting you to slam your prurient hips back down on the bed, sans tunic underneath you as he threw it at the wall _slick bastard_. You no longer felt in control…but isn’t that what you came for? The correction earned you another finger on your nipple, pinching the tightened bit between his two fingertips and pulling up, leaving you to hold your breath.

“Smart..but still naughty,” he sank his mouth down, using his tongue now to assault your senses. His teeth closed around it, threateningly, but you gasped out loud at the imminent act, betraying your plan to withhold any kind of sounds. “Don’t hold back,” he commanded, every bit of dominance he exuded was present in those three words.

Rule 6: Don’t hold back.

The edge of your panties tickled as he traced his fingertips around them, you were as still as could be, curling and flexing your toes to keep your wiggling at bay. Your resistance must have prompted him to try harder as one finger braved it’s way past the elastic and pulled down, the cool air on your sex making you shudder.

“Your denial is fun for no one,” he chided, running his palm over your curls as gently as he could before splitting you apart and hooking two fingers into your already wet center.

You cooed and were rewarded with a tender touch to the inside of your walls. He stroked you from within, familiarizing himself with your deepest secrets until you were panting. The cold air hit you again as he removed his fingers and pried your lips open with them. A sharp, almost metallic taste hit your tongue followed by a hint of sugar sweet. He didn’t need to tell you what to do; you wrapped your tongue around his fingers and arched your head up, pulling him in further as you soaked his fingers with your spit. You looked him in the eyes as you lapped at the juices, wondering if he was imagining how you must have looked on the other side of the curtain. As soon as you did, he tore his hand from your face and plunged back into you, still exploring but also rubbing on the bundle of nerves that had started to feel neglected. Every touch sent white light to your eyes and resounding heat to your extremities.

You started to spiral when he lulled you into a routine, hypnotized by his fingers alternating between the two holes until you didn’t know if one was wet because of the other or the other because of-

Your closed your eyes and tilted your head back, letting your mouth fall open as he rubbed your clit and a spot inside of you until your legs clamped down on his hand, **wanting _needing_** everything to stay exactly the same as you rode out your ride amongst the stars. A small smile hung onto the corner of your lip as you thought of orgasms being much like having a demon exorcised from your soul as everything impure was ripped from you, leaving behind the most peaceful feeling. Your body was covered in sweat, cum, and spit but you couldn’t feel more ethereal with Kylo Ren between your legs.

He stroked your cunt, interrupting your drunken stupor with a jolt of lightning back down to your core, igniting a fire on glowing embers. You pushed hair out of his face, the sweat helping it stay, and pressed a kiss to his forehead-catching a whiff of pine-before grabbing his forearm and using your weight to topple him into the bed. You picked your hips up and slid your cunt over his erection, earning the next in a latest string of pleasantly surprised looks from him. You pressed your forehead to his chest, relishing in how he spread you apart and tested your limits but pausing before just the feel of him sent you over the edge again. He hadn’t even got to moving. You didn’t want to look too greedy.

“Mmmmm, you feel so tight. I can feel you, so close already,” he murmured but every word rang inside your head as you hung onto every one of them, starved. You bobbed your head childishly as you were reminded of the aching between your legs, inside your very being. Of that spot he was narrowly avoiding every time as he rocked into you slowly, like you were fragile, priceless and irreplaceable. Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes and you bared your teeth.

How _dare_ he evoke that kind of reaction. You weren’t going to let him fuck you a few good times and think he was treating you any different from those that came before. You braced your knees well on both sides of him and threw yourself forward onto your hands, inches away from his throat as your breasts dangled in his face. You picked your hips up and slammed them down, taking him in to his hilt, and exhaled loudly. You couldn’t let him have both. He dug his fingers into your thigh as you slid up and down on his cock, bouncing your ass and enjoying his hands wandering down every now and then. You kissed, sucked, bit his neck knowing any spot would be covered up by his ensemble. So you bit harder.

His hand flew up to your hip and held on as he pushed himself up and into you, making you sit in his lap. Face to face, you could see the sweat above his upper lip and the glistening on his cheekbones. Little puffs of breath adorned the air between you two. When you pushed forward, your nipples and clit brushed up against the hard planes of his body, making your legs quake. You rode him at a slow pace, enjoying the feeling of being right up against him put also keeping the speed. You angled your hips so that instead of sliding down onto him, you rocked forward. You looked down and watched as his cock was sheathed and unsheathed, surrounded by flushed skin so close _so close._

You became more demanding, less silent as small moans bubbled up out of your throat and filled the room. Your hands roamed up his arms, appreciating the muscles hard at work and clung onto them for support as he started bucking his hips wildly, grasping for release as he searched for his in the crook of your neck. He grabbed your braid and pulled your head back, exposing your throat to his mouth _good thing I wear a veil at work_

Not wanting to be outdone, you reached your arm around and palmed his balls, enjoying the jerk of his hips as you made contact and rotated your hand around, cupping and lightly squeezing. They were getting tighter, heavier, and the look in his eyes was clouded over as he stared. You watched each other closely, panting **pawing** scratching _arching_

You couldn’t stop staring, the dark, dark brown drawing you in and keeping you there. A tool for his pleasure. This was a game to him, letting you think you had the upper hand and then changing positions, unleveling the playing field. 

As if he could read your mind, he muttered, “I never lose.”

Rule 7: You must always win

Your hand wandered from his balls to lightly trail his inner thigh as you started to whimper loudly, swiveling your hips in any attempt to get him off, one of his hands wrapped around your throat squeezing the arteries on both sides of your neck, depriving your brain of blood and oxygen flow. Drool dribbled down your chin as a heady feeling poured into your body, filling you up on him. You looked at him through half-lidded eyes and tried your best at a smirk when he some kind of cross between a hiss and grunt echoed, releasing your throat to grab your waist and pull you down faster as he rode out his orgasm.

The rush of air and blood coupled with the twitching of his cock in _just_ the right spot sent you reeling. He continued pummeling you from below, vaguely aware that garbled 'thank yous' were coming from your mouth and then it was silence.

You both fell back, a tangle of legs as the world started spinning at a normal rate again, your lungs slowing down now that adequate amounts of oxygen and blood were relegated back to normal levels. Now that you weren’t right on each other, the room felt cold, your skin prickled in response to the loss of warmth. 

You thought of the rules and wondered if staying the night would be damning.The bed moved a bit as he did but you couldn’t bother to look as your eyelids got heavier. You felt his hands on your thighs and calves, kneading the muscles and massaging the blood down from your torso. Your legs felt rejuvenated, like sitting down after a long day of standing. Or in your case, fucking. You rolled your head to finally look his way, barely catching his mouth opening to say something before sleep took you for it’s own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I wanted to get this out last night but I'm glad I tweaked what I did after some sleep. The next chapter probably won't have lemony goodness. We'll see what happens, though.
> 
> Any questions, comments, or concerns are wholeheartedly welcome. Thank you to everyone who has and has not reached out. Every kudos, hit, bookmark etc makes my day!
> 
> There is angst on the horizon. Prepare for rough waters.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how does everyone feel about puns?
> 
> I was able to churn out a fast chapter yesterday. I'm getting to the point where I have a hard time stopping so that helps. Sorry my updates are sporadic. I don't want to put myself on a schedule but if the quality starts slipping, I'll consider it.

I've been so into your mystery  
Is it because of our history?  
Are you into me?  
When it feels so good, but it's bad for you  
Can't say I don't want it 'cause I know I do  
Come on over, I need your company

_Khalid, Normani_

 

 

You shot up in bed, eyes wide open, at the sound of water turning on. Looking around, you knew exactly where you were but no idea on how much time had passed. You looked down at your hips and noticed fingertip sized bruises starting to appear. They weren’t too dark yet but the fact that they were there meant an hour or two had passed.

_Great, now I’m telling time by contusions_

You waited a few minutes to make sure he wasn’t coming back for any reason and pretended like you leaving would be a surprise when your body was a tracking device for him. Your legs didn’t want to cooperate as you slid your leggings on and your arms were so stiff you considered wrapping your tunic around the good parts and taking off into the hopefully deserted hallways. By your guess, it was a few hours after a shift change meaning any decent people were well into REM sleep.

You slipped out of his room and past the bathroom, steam was pouring out from any cracks in the door and you stopped for a minute to appreciate the thick, woody smell coming along with it. Good thing you showered earlier because it might be a day or two before you did, the way his scent lingered on your skin made you want to barge in and demand to know what he used as a wash.

Once out the main door, you backtracked to a cafeteria, hoping it would have muffins out already for the early morning shift. You sniped three and a water bottle, scampering off before anyone could yell. As far as you were concerned, you deserved this. You took one for the team and three muffins would more than make up for the three times you fucked their boss. Hell, you could have saved someone’s life. What would that get you?

It wasn’t long before the baked goods settled warmly in your stomach, stealing any energy you had and trading it for a longing to be nestled in between the covers on your bed. You bit the side of your cheek thinking of how soft his sheets were on your skin, how gracious your head felt laying on his pillows for as long as they did. Was there some kind of ‘non-standard issue’ catalog you could order from. You made a mental note to ask around before passing out amongst your own blankets.

-

 

-

 

-

A few hours later saw you waking up perkier and less startled than earlier that morning. You yawned, pushing stray hairs out of your face and pulled your braid over your shoulder, surveying the damage. It wasn’t horrible but you decided to redo it; you had a standard of meticulousness to uphold and a messy braid wasn’t going to _do_ you in.

You had the day off so you decided to get ready at your leisure; brushing your teeth, washing your face, and putting on a bit of make-up with multiple breaks in between. Once finished, you put on a basic black shirt and pants and headed to the medical bay, hoping they had a spot for a walk-in appointment.

Half way there, you heard someone shout your name. You figured maybe it was a fluke, only a handful of people knew your name on board, but decided to turn around and check when you heard it again and louder this time.

You stopped and waved at the group of fellow attendants heading towards you, frantically wishing you had checked your neck before heading out. _Maybe if I took my braid down_ , no that would look more suspicious. You decided to ride it out and hope for the best; which was pretty much your life motto these days.

“You ready for breakfast? I heard they have muffins out today,” the concerned guy said. He had been working the longest out of everyone and had taken it upon himself to create the rules and etiquette surrounding your job; you vaguely wondered what all he had seen, on and off the scenes.

“Ohhh, that sounds delicious,” purred the newest worker, taken in by his seniority; she was pretty in a gorgeous kind of way and it made you wonder what she would do if the Commander ever looked her way. She would probably shit her pants.

You hummed in agreeance, feigning interest in the okay muffins.

Concerned Boy _you should probably learn people’s names_ led the way and everyone else followed suit, going through the line as usual, and finding a quiet corner away from the stormtroopers to eat. They had better pay but your job was easier so somewhere along the line, everyone had agreed to stay out of the other’s way if helmets were on.

The idle chatter started fairly soon after people got a few bites in them. You learned that Concerned Boy was Murray, the new new girl was Odette, and that was all you had the capacity for today so you made sure to remember the rest of the faces for next time. 

Listening to the others talk was always fun. They had gross and embarrassing stories from their shifts to share, from guest mishaps to over-portioning the herbs making the water turn a murky yellow; you had snorted at that last one.

All at once a stormtrooper walked towards your table, everyone stopping mid sentence to wonder what was about to happen or if they were lost somehow. Which was unfortunate for you because you’re why they were there, making it it all the more quiet for everyone to hear.

He stated your name and you mumbled a ‘yeah’ around the muffin in your mouth, your throat going dry as he did so swallowing wasn’t going to be easy.

“You’ve been instructed to report to the bridge immediately,” he said.

All eyes the size of dishes swiveled in your direction, mid bite and hanging on every word.

“Can I ask why and to whom may I thank for this surprise invitation?” you asked with a proper level of snark in your voice. Oh no, he wasn’t going to fuck this up for you. You were perfectly fine keeping it out of your nosy coworkers ears especially considering he had such a fondness for bedding them.

“Commander Ren” _fucking god dammit you knew it_ “has ordered you to the bridge imm-”

You knew where this was going and needed to nip it in the butt before any one got the right kind of idea as to what was going on.

“Well, you’ll have to inform the commander that I have an outstanding appointmentat the med bay here soon so no time to pencil him in. Maybe afterwards,” you said, getting up to throw your tray away and leave. The table was still quiet as you walked out of the cafeteria but it wasn’t long before the buzzing began, hard at work with speculations. The clank of stormtrooper suit sounded behind you and you didn’t stop until an arm reached out and yanked you back to face them.

“You’ve been commanded-”

“Look man, I hate to keep interrupting you and I really hate to send you back without my company but I have an appointment so…” It wasn’t a complete lie but you needed time for your meal to set in before you went visiting Kylo Ren and probably barfing up all you had eaten in the past month.

You turned and started jogging, hoping he wouldn’t follow and getting your wish when you reached the medical wing without another incident. Sighing in relief you waltzed up to the desk, handed the secretary your ID, and asked if there was any room for a walk-in, hoping hoping **hoping** because the thought of your half-assed alibi falling through had you wringing permanent creases into more of your wardrobe.

The secretary scrolled through the datapad, loudly smacking her gum and tapping her nails against the screen as she perused for any availability. The more you looked at her, the more she looked like her job. Hair comically knotted on top of her head with a pen stabbed through her bun and make-up that looked a few millennia out of style.

“Looks like we had one an hour ago, another in,” she stopped to look at the clock, “3 minutes and another in 9 hours.”

“The 3 minute one, please,” you said with the biggest grin you could muster.

“Is that what’s wrong?” She asked, smacking her gum again and pointing to your mouth/general face area. _How rude._

“Uhh, no..” you honestly didn’t know what to say to that. 

“Then why are you here?” She asked. It donned on you then that it was her job to tell the doctor your reason for visiting, not to play 20 Questions. Duh. 

“I need to change my birth control,” you stated proudly, wearing your sexual prowess like a badge of honor and not for what it was _I can no longer count on myself to remember a pill when I need it most._ You grinned again and went to sit down when she told you that was all she needed to know.

-

 

-

 

-

 

You came out with a small, blood speckled lump on your arm and a red lollipop for your troubles. The doctor agreed that it was time for a more dependable form of birth control considering you were having regular sex _for the time being_. You gingerly rubbed your implant, hoping it didn’t look as bad as it felt and scratched some of the dried blood off, leaving behind red, irritated skin instead. _Great going_

The doors out opened and you were immediately assaulted with a legion of ( _two_ ) troopers waiting for you. You rolled your eyes at the incoming:

“We have orders to bring you to Commander Ren on the bridge. Follow us,” they stated before turning to lead the way. Neither looked behind to make sure you were listening but you weren’t exactly in the mood to be manhandled so you held a hand over your sore and trudged behind them, thanking your Speck of Luck that you had grabbed a sucker on the way out. 

You had never been to the command center of the base and in all honesty, you had no desire or reason to until now so you took in all the sights along the way. Hangars of ships and fighters ready to deploy and the engineers working on them, clusters of stormtroopers on their way to do imperial bidding, and one silvery, shiny Stormtrooper. You had a feeling that you didn’t want to run into them much.

You walked into an all black room _no surprise there_ and saw stars. Twinkling red and green lights surrounded you, almost taking your breath away until you saw the actual stars on the other side of the glass. With no one to stop you, you took off to press your face against the window, delighting in the endless sparkling spread out before you.

The sound of a stampede started towards you but when you turned around it was just Lord Ren and his lackeys. You squinted your eyes at the one you guessed had grabbed you earlier _but let’s be honest it could be either_.

You used this opportunity as he walked your way to roll your tongue out and dramatically lick your candy, cheering internally when you saw him falter for a split second and resume walking like it had had no effect. _Boo_

He stopped several feet in front of you and hoped he would take his helmet off.

**_Big, black boots. Long, brown hair._ **

A snicker escaped your mouth and you covered it by looking to the side, shoving the sucker in so it couldn’t get you in any more trouble.

“Feeling defiant today?” He asked, mocking an incredulous tone. You didn’t believe for a second that he was shocked at your rebellion.

You shrugged your shoulders and gave the sucker another lick, “Maybe. Why, does it bother you?”

“Why were you at the med bay?” He asked, expertly dodging your own question. _Smart_.

“You know, I’m pretty sure that as my boss you aren’t allowed to ask me that. Legal stuff, huh? What a bummer.”

“I’m not asking you as a boss. I’m telling you to tell me.” 

You looked up to where you figured his eyes would be; any inkling as to why he wanted to know would have been nice but you knew better than to expect much from him.

“I can hear your thoughts..and they’re stupid,” he stated. Your eyes widened as did your jaw, your candy toppling to the ground and cracking to pieces. You narrowed your gaze at him and took a step forward toward him, jamming your finger towards his chest.

“Yeah, well, _stupid_. Looks like you owe me another _stupid_ sucker. No yellow or green,” you chided as you stepped around him and took off towards _the other direction from him_.

You should have seen it coming, really. All at once you smacked into what could only be described as an invisible wall in the middle of the room. You rubbed your nose and sniffled. _That was going to hurt in the morning_. You didn’t run again but you also didn’t give him the satisfaction of turning around to face him. You were almost certain that’s why he had called you up anyways. What else did a self-important prince have to do all day other than drag you up to toy with you and break your candy in a well-lit room? 

“I’m not going to ask again,” he said.

You opened your mouth to point out that him saying that was pretty much asking again but since he wanted to read your mind, he could hear that inside of his own.

“I figured,” you stated through gritted teeth, “That since I’m having regular sex, I should upgrade to a more _reliable_ form of birth control.” You shoved your arm out and turned it over so he could see the lump in it. _The things you did for a good fuck_

He huffed, hopefully at you, and continued with his interrogation, “Why did you leave last night?”

And that did catch your attention, causing you to turn around finally and answer him head on. “Was I supposed to stay, Commander? I wasn’t under the impression that you wanted me to,” you said sweetly.

He walked towards you and the breath you were about to take stopped halfway down your throat as he strode right past you and stood between you and whoever just walked in. You leaned into him and looked up into the back of his helmet, wondering when _you_ would get some answers around here.

“Ren, I was coming to find you. You need to-” the man paused to peer around him at you. He looked whinier than the Commander. _What a pair_.. You turned your head away from his stare, earning a chuckle from Ren that reverberated from his body into yours through connected backs.

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting any kind of…housekeeping, Kylo,” he said, tutting as he walked towards a screen. You had half a mind to let out a low whistle cause that sass was admirable. You aspired to be on his level one day but with less orange in your hair and whinge in your voice.

You pushed off of Kylo’s back and gathered your wits about you. Housekeeping…is that what he called this fascination the Commander had with fraternizing? You needed to think but you couldn’t be around him if your thoughts were now free-flowing into his head. What had changed? You started walking, stopped to bow in their directions, and continued while whatever heated conversation they were having faded into the cacophony of the ship.

You steadily picked up your pace until you were running at a full sprint, lungs aching as they worked harder than usual. Your brain on the other hand was lurching, stuck on a loop as you replayed the conversation, picking up on what sounded like concern. But there was no way. You didn’t understand why after a few bouts of tantalizing sex, he was still on your mind constantly. Why throughout your day you found yourself wondering if he liked muffins, why he wouldn’t settle down, if he wanted to settle-

You stopped to press the palms of your hands into your eyes until every color imaginable made an appearance and then didn’t stop again until you were in your room. You crawled underneath the covers and dared yourself to cry.

You knew this would happen. You knew what you wanted out of this but you didn’t have a clue as to how to get it. You doubted he would want to keep you around for long, no matter the reasoning. More time for you to shoot yourself in the foot and for him to deal with…whatever it was he didn’t want from a relationship. Stopping it now wasn’t what you wanted at all but keeping on this road wasn’t what you needed.

You sat up, the blanket still cocooned around you, and had a genius thought. You didn’t need a relationship with him. At least not a conventional one. As long as you were in his bed, _feasibly_ you could be the only one. If you were taking up that time, no one else could. Before your sense of self-doubt could point out that that wasn’t the _best_ line of thinking for someone catching feelings, you pumped your fists in the air, content for now to keep doing what you were doing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's a tad shorter than normal but what can you do when you find a good stopping point. The next update will take a few days at the least, it's a little more Ren-centric so I need time. I have a Kylo POV chapter planned a ways down the road but in all honesty, this next one may be a bit of a test run so maybe part of the chapter will be him? 
> 
> As always, thank you for your time and for reading this. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was definitely the most fun to write; like i'm giddy at the thought of posting this. It's angsty, it's feelsy, it's different from my normal style so that was neat to play with.
> 
> The chapter is divided between POVs so enjoy!

_ And it's been awhile _

_ Since I've gone and _

_ Fucked things up _

_ Just like I always do _

_ And it's been awhile _

_ But all that shit _

_ Seems to disappear _

_ When I'm with you _

_-_ Staind

 

Two whole days went by without a word from the Commander. The ship was absent of his plodding, no sign of his ruinous tantrums, and the mood had settled to an unusual sense of equanimity. You figured he was off somewhere, some mission, for some amount of time. You most certainly didn’t expect a notice or some kind of warning but you weren’t going to lie to yourself and say it wouldn’t have been nice, that it wouldn’t have calmed the unease you felt at his absence and lack of attachment after the modicum of interest he showed.

You reminded yourself after the obvious lapse in memory that this was the apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke you were fantasizing about. He had duties and objectives, missions and tasks far more important than being concerned with your wellbeing and whether you were feeling validated or not.

You went on with work as usual and even started seeking out your friends. You wanted to share what had happened and the secrecy was starting to eat at you, gnawing at your need for any answers they might have, but kept all questions at bay out of fear of the shame that would quickly follow suit. Considering you hadn’t even heard from Ren in a few days, regardless of the reason, you decided to hold off on the reveal. What if this was it? A clean break; he would come back at some point but that could be a while and who’s to say he even had eyes for you then.

The thought wasn’t an entirely bad one. Being set free from this limbo sounded good until you remembered how he looked at you, how he felt inside you, how you came undone at the smallest of commands. Did he have you drugged? Was this a byproduct of engaging with someone tied to the Force, the uncontrollable desire to be happily under their foot and writhing under their naked body?

Your emotions were scattered, a pendulum swinging one way and then the exact opposite a second later, leaving you reeling and unable to keep up. You had the hopeful _and honestly dumb_ thought as you stepped back into the med bay that maybe it was your new lump. Hormones and all that jazz.

-

 

-

 

-

“Nope, this form is an ultra low dose of hormones. You may see some mood swings when you menstruate the first few times but after that, you shouldn’t experience any,” the doctor explained while you visibly wilted under the weight of their revelation. “Have you had any other symptoms?”

You perked up at an errant idea, “What about an increase in libido?”

“Hmm, doubtful. If you want, we can schedule another follow-up appointment for a week or two from now to see if these symptoms are still present. There’s always the possibility that it isn’t the right fit for your body and we can certainly try another one.”

You pondered on it for a second or two and decided it couldn’t hurt to check up on it after some time had gone by.

“Okay, well other than that, the injection site looks great and is healing beautifully. The swelling has gone down considerably and there is no sign of irritation. By the next time I see you, your body will get use to it and you shouldn’t even be able to notice or feel the implant. It’s also had enough time to do it’s job so any sex from here on out doesn’t require a condom but you can never be too careful,” she explained.

You thanked her before she turned to leave. You pulled your sleeve back down to your wrist and pushed yourself off the bed, stepping outside the room to talk to the secretary about a follow-up. You eyed the candy bowl on her desk but the thought of a red sucker still left a resentful taste in your mouth so you opted for a purple one.

You weren’t far from your departure when the sound of your name caught your attention; this could _not_ become a habit. You looked back and had half a mind to jump for joy and run away from the stormtrooper heading your way. Was he back? Was he calling on you? Is this what it felt like to cave into withdrawals? The thought of his voice, apparatus or not, had you almost skipping after them when they told you to follow. 

“Is everything okay?” You asked discreetly, trying to glean whatever you could with an innocent question and a shit-eating grin plastered to your face. 

Silence ensued for the entirety of the trip to Ren. Maybe he had finally learned a lesson about discretion. Or maybe your insolence on the bridge had convinced him to get rid of you entirely. Either way you would get an answer. Maybe. You had kind of gotten used to _not_ getting one.

You followed the stormtroopers onto the bridge and while the stars certainly took your breath, this time it was not them. It was the pale, ginger-headed man standing alone and anticipatory; his expression like he was getting his daily delivery of diamonds or garbage, hard to tell.

“We’ve brought the girl, General,” one stated. 

“Yes, I see that. You may leave,” he said, gesturing to the door. Not one for mincing words, Hux made his way towards you as the troopers walked through the door, effectively leaving you to an uncertain fate. You hadn’t predicted this at all and you really didn’t like that you were entirely wrong. This was not any answer you had wanted or even known you didn’t want. He stopped right in front of you; too close for comfort but your well-being probably wasn’t even a blip on his radar.

A cold, synthetic type smell wafted off of him-the comforting yet sickly sweet one of antiseptic- as he circled you, a wall of ice closing in around you. A vulture assessing your weakness like carrion. He surrounded you somehow but you knew distinctly that he was at your back now. A leather gloved hand touched the back of you neck, making you falter slightly at the delicate but invasive touch.

“What does see in you?” He asked.

You swallowed and replied, “Sir?”

“Kylo Ren, The Commander,” he sneered, “ _What_ does he see in you?”

“I-I’m not sure I understand, Sir. We’re not- we’re not like that, Sir,” every bone in your body was screaming to deny it. Your head pounded, ringing with the one objective to throw him off your scent.

He sauntered towards your front, keeping his hand on your throat, slicing a circle around your neck until he stood in front of you again. He took his fingertips and slid them up your jaw, pushing and angling your head every which way as he stared you down. You dared to bring your eyes up to his and it did not disappoint; he smirked at your brave stupidity.

“Very well, perhaps a better question. What do you see in him? I don’t see what you would anyways. He acts like a child still. And what lady…wants a child,” the last part he said slowly as he tilted your head down, averting your gaze to a more submissive pose and setting your blood ablaze. Equal parts of anger and desire swirled in your mind, your head started pounding again. Your submission wasn’t his to assume. As far as you were concerned, he hadn’t done anything to deserve it. Granted, neither had Ren…

He slipped his fingers up and grazed your lips, earning a pardon from them as they opened. You didn’t resist as he slipped them into your damp mouth, your body still deciding whether bile or a moan was to come out. You thought of him completely clothed, no inclination to sully himself with your touch but every fantasy, every wish and curious idea enacted on yours until you were a sobbing, sopping mess. You wanted to hear what he would call you, what he thought of your inclinations. You wanted the opportunity to persuade him that you were worth his time, worth the effort of stomping out the fire in your soul.

“Is it the hair? Sultry, black, and tempting. I can see why you would be drawn to it,” he murmured as he yanked your braid down, continuing the circling once more. You winced but nothing more. “The broodiness? Sweetheart, that’s just the First Order for you,” he chuckled. He stopped behind you and this time you were fearful. Strong emotions tumbled through you and jumbled themselves into a mess: fright, lust, resignation, rage.

He pressed his front to you and you could feel the clear imprint of his cock againstthe small of your back, his hot breath breathing in your ear as he bent down to whisper, “Is it the anger, the temper, the ability to murder without a thought?” He kissed a spot below you hairline and you whimpered. Surely, he was exaggerating. You knew Ren was bad news, but-

“Why, just today, hours ago even, he slaughtered an entire village for harboring a fugitive they knew nothing about,” he said laughing. Your vision blurred, salty wetness threatening to spill over and betray the already turbulent emotions. The past few days were coming to a crest and you didn’t know how long you could keep the overflow at bay. Apprentice, lover, killer, absolute, monster; your mind flew over all the titles you could associate with him, not pausing on one for too long because you didn’t know what to think.

“Your sisters… What ever happened to them?” He asked. Seething, white fury came to a roaring head as you heard two loud thuds outside the blaster door. It opened and you saw black swarming towards you; death had come to your rescue.

Hux’s hand dropped from your head, a cruel smile playing at his lips, “Commander Ren, how nice of you to return. How was Jakku?” He said, as if he was simply returning from vacation.

“General Hux,” came a hard tone that all but physically penetrated you, modulated and very angry. His address to the general had no baring on what he had just witnessed. His helmet turned your way and barked an order, “Leave.” You tore yourself from General Hux and scampered past them both, sprinting out of the room as fast as you could manage.

Before you could get too far, a hazy fog covered your brain and turned you towards a part of the ship that was most certainly not your own. Your legs moved on their own, the feeling of walking through gelatin surrounded your whole body. All at once doors and corners started looking familiar while a small sense of dread settled like a hot, unignorable stone in the pits of your stomach, sending the taste of acid to the back of your tongue. You jerked your arm to throw off the phantom momentum of your body but it didn’t work, if anything it made the pace pick up, forcing you to jog until you were heralded ( _thrown_ ) into the Commander’s room like a rag doll. You laid on the floor for at least 15 minutes, catching your breath and slowly testing body parts out to see if they were your own again.

The cool tile did wonders for the pain in your brain until it slowly ebbed back into the recesses of your mind, thumping to a rhythm that felt familiar and wildly different at the same time. He was angry and every stomp of his boot towards you echoed in your pounding head, coming to a crescendo as the doors opened to let him in and slam shut. You lolled your head to face him, eyes out of focus as he came into vision and closed in on you. You shrinked at the last few steps, whining when the area behind your eyes turned into a stabbing pain. You cried when he took his boot and pushed your head to look straight up, his face the only clear image you could get.

“I do not tolerate insolence,” and then everything went dark.

 

-

 

 

-

 

 

-

 

_The cold, crisp air hit his mask, a great welcoming home compared to the hot and dusty climate of Jakku. Dirt had crept in all the places a chill couldn’t and grit stuck to any sweat on his skin. The thought of a shower and a meal was slowly consuming him as he instructed those around him to take the captive to his cell. He would let him wait, squirm a bit._

_He headed to the bridge, intent on smugly rubbing their new lead in Hux’s face when he picked up on a familiar signature at his destination; one he had been feeling and watching for recently, absentmindedly and on purpose. It was such a tiny, fluttery light. Like it might go out at any second but held on tight. The more he connected with it, the easier it came to him, easier he could sense it. Emotions and thoughts swarmed as he tapped into what he wanted to know._

_Immediately he was accosted with the sense of being targeted, chased, dragged into a delicate and dangerous balance. It smelled like a game of chase, one as old as time. You were in trouble. He picked up speed, following the call like echo location. Words filled his head despite thinking nothing, being near no one._

**“What does see in you?”**

_Confusion swirled around with a feeling that could only be described as cognate. You wanted to know, too._

_He ground his teeth together and pushed a single word repeatedly into your head when Hux pressed again._

Deny. Deny. Deny. Deny.

_He felt a warm feeling spread from his neck to his jaw, the desire to oppugn whoever was touching him grew with every second and step but he still had a ways to go._

**“Very well, perhaps a better question. What do you see in him? I don’t see what you would anyways. He acts like a child still. And what lady…wants a child.”**

_His hand recklessly flashed to the lightsaber on his hip before remembering he wasn’t anywhere near you. He stabbed it unto the wall next to him and drug it behind him for several feet, the smell of something burning permeating the air and sound of screeching metal evacuating anyone in the immediate area._

_Another stab of anger, derision at the assumption presented and then all at once, indignation mixed with the pungent feeling of physical desire. His own anger combined with yours to build a rage that crackled the very air around him. The feeling of lust towards another man was palpable but that he had to feel it within his own mind was criminal. He clenched his fists, leather rubbing against leather as he closed in on his targets and stepped into the lift._

**“Is it the hair? Sultry, black, and tempting. I can see why you would be drawn to it. The broodiness? Sweetheart, that’s just the First Order for you.”**

_He felt the feeling of his head jerking back without it actually happening and surmised that you were being touched,_ **_again._ ** _Jealousy took over as he advanced; frustration and the hard tang of denial met the fright that was near-palpable. The almost-taste of it on his tongue drove him wild, mad for another sample. He wanted to start it, to be the reason you had terror pumping through your veins._

**“Is it the anger, the temper, the ability to murder without a thought?”**

_Fear took over desire as he felt the grinding of Hux on your body, the truth you tried so hard to deny, the suggestion in his touch and voice when he said:_

**“Why, just today, hours ago even he slaughtered an entire village, for harboring a fugitive they knew nothing about.”**

_Laughter filled his ears as it echoed in yours, still stuck in the horror that it was true. It was all horribly true and yet disbelief was like a bandage to the gaping wound those words had left. Feelings and words indescribable flung themselves, rocks at an already cracking dam holding back the flood. He caught snippets:_ Apprentice, lover, killer, absolute, monster. _Hesitation and vacillation mingled with horror before the next stab hit deeper, harder. Taking more from you than you anticipated._

**“Your sisters… What ever happened to them?”**

_Pain. Oh, absolute and utter pain at the recollection of siblings you hadn’t seen in years, wouldn’t see ever. You had been deprived of your earthly attachments at the expense of others and the reminder of your loss hit hard._

_Before the stormtroopers could even explain, their bodies slumped to the ground and his hand flew forward to open the door. He stepped inside and, despite the insight, was not prepared for the tangible feel of sadness, bitterness, ire, realization, and indecisiveness that hung in the air next to the scent of animalistic arousal at such a delectable morsel stuck in the spider’s web._

_You looked at him, a pretty kind of pitiful he wanted to box up and store away, letting the sweet aroma rot into something he would enjoy devouring. Your eyes were a dull version of what they should be, the smallest hint of a spark running through them when you knew you were saved. Saved from your selfish, dirty desires, saved from wrongful submission, saved from yourself._

**“Commander Ren, how nice of you to return. How was Jakku?”** _Hux asked, feigning innocence as best as a venomous snake could, his power play erection still slightly visible._

_He squashed any feelings of committing one more murder for the day and severed the connection to you, effectively cutting off the roaring storm of emotions that threatened to take over his already unstable mind. If Hux sensed that it upset him to find you here, under his spell, it would unravel any alibi. It would expose you and you would be ripe for the taking, whether that be him or Snoke to pull you apart and pry the life out of you if it so suited them._

_“General Hux,” he shot a bitter acknowledgement towards the man. “Leave,” was what he lobbed at you, a hard ball that hit you square in the chest, taken aback at the convincing hatred that leaked from his mask. He didn’t have to think hard of the secondhand desire he felt course through his veins earlier. There would be plenty of time to punish, to correct._

_You listened, as he knew you would. There was no such thing as thin ice. You were drowning in cold water that made every point of contact burn, like a rightful witch at the stake. You took off towards your room but he quickly reached out and guided you towards your redemption, your prison._

_He wasted no time in briefing Hux what had happened on Jakku and the interrogation that would quickly follow once he locked his princess up and away, for his eyes and defiling._

_From the time it took to get from the bridge to his room, his mind was busy calculating and deciding what needed to be done. He didn’t hesitate as he headed straight into the door, stepping inside and letting the darkness consume him when it shut behind him._

_There you were, a mess he had to clean up and polish, lying on the floor with the aftermath of the force and his still seething anger rolling in your head. You slowly turned to look at him, eyes dancing wildly as they tried to focus on him and eventually only being able to do just that. You jerked a few times as he got closer, moaning as the pain became unbearable. He lifted his foot up, using it to make you face him, and rested his boot on your head, a heavy pressure that should dull the static inside you only slightly._

_He looked at his pet, so unrefined and untrained. A perfect specimen to try on for size, knowing you wouldn’t break but would only bend to his needs, satisfying your own along the way. He would guide you. He would teach you. He would let you learn your deepest desires._

_He would break you in for his consumption only._

_“I do not tolerate insolence,” he warned before waving his hand, your eyes closing shut. He took one last look before heading off to interrogate the rebel scum. He knew he wouldn’t be any less heated when he returned to you._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to make the two sections cohesive. I think it blends well but if there are any parts that are confusing, just ask. Thank you so much for giving this ff your time!
> 
> Fair warning, the next arc (haven't exactly planned how long this next bit will go) will get kind of dark and dirty. You're probably not leaving Kylo's room for a while...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I'll update the tags accordingly so be sure to read over them. I'll add CWs when needed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out. It wasn't easy and feels kind of forced compared to the chapter before and after it. I had a bit of writers' block but I think I'm just getting the hang of that lemony goodness. Which is very much present in these next two chapters. I promise this won't just be smut; the rest of the story will come out as they get comfortable enough to have conversations. What a problem to have lol

_Think I just remembered something_   
_I think I left the faucet running_   
_Now my words are filling up the tub_   
_Darling, you're just soaking in it_   
_But I know you'll get out the minute_   
_You notice all your fingers pruning up_   
_I'm tired of being careful, gentle, trying to keep the water warm_   
_Let me under your skin_   
_Uh-oh, there it goes, I said too much, it overflowed_   
_Why do I always spill?_

Melanie Martinez

 

 

You woke up with a splitting headache, as if a rock was firmly lodged in your skull, taking up room where there was no extra to begin with. The floor was getting warm beneath your face so your squirmed a bit until you had only moved inches away, resting your pounding forehead on cold metal once again. Your breaths were short but fairly facile, the events of the hours prior to your forced slumber were coming back in waves. You knew he would come back but you had no clue as to what was in store for you. You pushed yourself up into a sit and leaned back against the wall, eyes on the door, waiting for your judgement.

The longer you sat there, the more you festered. You stared at the door, resolve growing. And it did not break. Not when the door opened, not when Kylo Ren stepped through it, and not when he stalked past you into the bowels of his own quarters. You didn’t look after him, didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of capturing your attention when there was a perfectly fine door to look at.

“Why am I here?” You asked, barely above a whisper, knowing he would hear you all the same. You tapped your foot on the ground as the minutes ticked by. You had been patient already, what was a few more minutes?

You heard rustling from the other room but it never came closer. He must be taking off that infernal cape. The thought of him undressing made your insides clench; it had been long enough but again…what was a little more time?

Damn those rules. His mere presence had you undone even after holding hostage for several hours. Suddenly, he came at you, looming over your form.

“What rules?” He asked.

You smirked and looked the other way. You could be silent for once.

His hands grabbed at your arm and yanked you up off the ground, twisting your elbow at an odd angle and making you wince. You continued keeping your head turned but his other hand came harshly to your chin and pulled it to meet your gaze. The thought crossed your mind to just close them-

“You’ll regret it, I promise. What rules? If I go looking, I’ll make it hurt,” he threatened. What Hux had told you earlier about Ren’s deed today was brought back to the forethought of your mind.

“You stand in front of me and pass judgement? You’re a fool for that.”

“Yeah? Well, sorry to be such a nuisance. I should have listened. Everyone told me to just listen. Listen and you’ll be fine, you won’t end up a slobbering dog chasing a bone.”

“Oh, so they’re the ones you should listen to and obey?” He asked, standing taller and pulling you up with him. He jerked you to his chest and spun you around, shoving you into his bedroom. You fell to your knees next to the bed and sat up as fast as you could using the bed. He lifted the latches to his helmet and it emitted a hissing sound as it came off his head. Dark waves fell out, the hair framing his face drenched in sweat. What had he done while he was gone?

“What have you done that makes me want to obey?” You choked out, looking up at him through dangerously narrowed eyes.

He turned and walked towards his closet, selecting the first thing he touched and ripped fabric off of it a few times. He tossed two pieces onto the bed but held onto the others as he took his gloves off, long fingers reaching for your arms and gently hoisting you up and onto the bed. That must have been all the kindness he could afford as he tightly wound the long strip around your wrist and yanked you towards the headboard to tie the other end. You pulled on it a few times and while you were distracted he grabbed your other wrist.

“No,” you said, pulling it out of his hand but his quick fingers snatched you back. You resisted some more, you had to. Tears stung at your eyes at the thought of what he would do to you, tied up in such a deserted part of the ship. The sick bastard probably chose this room on purpose.

“You will learn,” he stated, suddenly your wrist flew out towards him, sitting so nicely as he tied a bow around this one like a reward and anchoring it’s other end. Your breathing escalated as he took your shoes and socks off. You brought your foot up to push him back but the air was knocked out of your lungs as you were slammed against the head of the bed.

“You will.” He stroked your leg but you curled it towards you, choosing to lay in the center of the bed, as away from his reach as you could get. He smirked but ignored you as he took his cowl and shirt off, tossing them out of the room. “You liked the way he talked to you.” It wasn’t a question so much as it was a curious find. You closed your eyes, picturing Hux circling around your terrified form, but instead it came to you as Kylo Ren. Full, pink lips ghosted your neck instead of thin ones. The gentle, mocking touch of the General turned into the Commander’s rough, appreciative one. 

Fantasy morphed into reality as his fingers pressed into your thigh, gripping the fabric on it and tugging down. His other hand climbed higher on the other side, pulling your pants down past your hip bone and revealing the forest green of your underwear. His grappled his way to your waist and flipped you over on your belly, the two pieces of cloth crossing a few inches above your wrists and securing you in an obscene position. You bent your knee to prop yourself up a bit and was met with the sharp crack of his hand on your ass. You rested your face on the pillow and moaned into it.

“Slow learner, are we? Don’t worry, that will change in time.”

Your pants came off the rest of the way with a few pulls; you were left in a loose fitting black shirt and your underwear. A finger came to your clothed slit and rubbed into your aching cunt, the fabric growing wet with your desire. The tiny bit of friction he brought was slow and deliberate, nudging you into another moan.

“Turn your face towards me.” You used your elbows to leverage lifting your shoulders up and turned your head towards him. You licked your lips as he stared, taking in your bent over body, ripe for whatever he wanted to take.

He walked out of your view and you decided to close your eyes, anticipate the surprise. You were gifted with the tip of his warm tongue, lapping between your legs where your underwear met skin. You groaned when laps turned into long licks up one side and down the other, teasing your skin with his breath when he switched. His nose grazed over the wetness and he blew cold air; you surged forward and sucked a deep breath in at the prodding of his tongue despite the cloth barrier.

The strokes made you wish clothes had never been invented, that he had no reason at all not to be licking you clean. You thanked the Force for existing at all when you felt your panties move, the tip of his tongue sneaking a peak behind the curtains. The barest of touches had you biting your lip, a whimper leaking out the other side while his fingers slipped your underwear down to your knees. The cold air hit you at full force after his warmth left, aching and needing more than butterfly kisses.

“I had standards”, he said to your pussy before diving in, pushing his tongue down into your depths. He pulled out, rubbing a hymn as old as life existed onto your clit and out of your mouth. You whined for more, needed more. It felt so good already, thinking of what could come had you in the headspace to submit to anything if you could feel your insides moved for this man’s cock.

“I didn’t use to fuck just anyone.” He shoved two fingers into your center and twisted until they were coated and you were near speechless, taking the opportunity to shuffle his pants off. He leaned forward and hooked your mouth before impaling you, shoving himself into you in one fell swoop. You balked at the sudden intrusion as he kissed a trail up your neck, taking his hand out of your mouth and using it instead to grab a fistful of your hair. He pulled your head back until you could see him out of the corner of your eye. You mouth watered at the image of him naked, pushing himself inside of you, pulling back slowly, pushing his hips down and into yours.

“I’ve bedded princesses, courtiers, high level officers,” he said, pounding his hips into you as his list went on. “I’ve flirted with politicians right in front of their husbands and wives in front of their spouses.” Your insides clenched as did your teeth. He was goading you into submission, into the opportunity to be his.

“Well, thank you, sir,” you said around his finger, “thank you for the opportunity to be ruined at your hands. Thank you for choosing me, a lowly bath attendant. I wasn’t the first but second is better than not at all-”

He yanked your hair back, arching your head back towards him. “Be glad you’re a nobody. It brought you to me,” he said before biting down on your shoulder. You pushed yourself up on your hands and pulled on the straps until they were taut, using the leverage to climb your way up to the headboard; holding on as he rammed into you, pushing your hips back into him and swiveling them to throw off his rhythm. He leaned forward a bit, putting one hand over yours and using the other to sneak up under your shirt and rub your nipples into stiff peaks. He whispered into your hair, “Listen to me, obey **me**. Don’t think about what others say; let me do that for you.”

Words of warning poured through your mind, from Hux, from those around you. You had already felt some ring true. Temptation had been abraded down into the rock hard lust you couldn’t ignore and the earnest desire to forget even your own name, but never his. The feeling of static returned to rub maddening circles into your clit, the vibrating sensation had you pleading for a release he had been withholding.

“I can’t- I can’t, Sir. I’m so worried…,” you half-sobbed. You needed your release, you needed to know he would cherish your gift, your time devoted to worshipping his body. 

“Then don’t worry, let me. Give yourself over completely. Accept me for who I am so I can do this for you,” he said. You turned your head at his voice, hypnotized by his offer and your new height allowing for a better vantage point, and lost your breath on the view of his body bent over yours; his heavy breaths indicative of being centimeters behind you on the fall down. You threw your head back as it all came together: the Force on your clit, a nip on the back of your neck, and his dick nudging a sweet spot inside of you. Your body pulsed around his, turning you both into a shuddering mess as your pulsating walls milked him.

You stayed still, enjoying the gentle current of pleasure coursing through you but eventually lowered your body slowly. He laid half on, half off you but the warmth he brought made you feel surrounded and protected. His sweat mingled with yours and the heady scent of intercourse seeped it’s way into the sheets. You turned on your side, pressing your back to his chest, and his arms curled around your waist. From there, his hand dipped past your navel and languidly trailed his fingers in the sensitive skin just under your soft, feminine belly. Your chest started to rise and fall rapidly as he stirred up such a recent memory in your endorphin filled body, still basking in the afterglow of being freshly fucked.

He trailed his hand over your cheek and down your thigh, juices already leaking out, caressing the skin of your calf. He sat himself and tied one of the last remaining restraints around your ankle and to the bedpost, walking around to the other side and doing the same to your other leg.

You gulped as he stood at the foot of the bed, your legs spread open, laying everything out for him to see. You squirmed, pulling your knees together for some sense of privacy and receiving none. He shot his arms forward and pried them apart before you could deprive him a second more.

“Please, Commander..,” you pleaded, “I can’t go a second time, I never have-“

“I didn’t ask if you wanted to,” he said, climbing onto the bed and rubbing the tip of his cock onto your clit, earning another squirm. He slid himself into you once more, slowly this time, relishing your warmth taking him in centimeter by centimeter. He pushed himself all the way in and circled his hips around some, enjoying the moans that earned him. “Give yourself over completely. Accept me for who I am so I can do this for you.”

Your vision clouded over with the promise of a fast approaching second orgasm, as his command sank in. He commanded the First Order. His power stretched past planets inhabited and not. He could bring you to the edge of the universe, heights and depths unknown to you both; your body a conduit for his attention, bending to bring the richest, carnal climaxes to you both. You whined as he kept a steady rhythm, bringing himself back up to snap his hips into yours, devolving into a frenzy as he lost himself in your pussy. He bent forward and sucked a nipple into his mouth, kneading and pulling on the stiffened peak before roughly squeezing it between his teeth.

You cried out as he ripped another climax from your body and lost control, jerking your legs up to wrap around his waist as he continued driving his hips into yours, pounding his orgasm out as he filled you for a second time. You winced when he pulled out, the friction starting what would be a day or two of soreness; you didn’t even want to think about having sex again. He swirled his tongue across your nipple before letting go and standing up beside the bed.

You pulled on your arm, trying to sit up, but the restraints pulled back and bit down into your skin.You looked to him, gauging for a reaction…cause he wasn’t going to leave you there, right? This was the corny stuff in those cheap romance books, the parts that your rolled your eyes at but clung to the spaces in between words with sexual envy and fear at what might happen next. You watched him get dressed, letting him finish before you could work up the courage to ask to be untied.

“Uhmm, Sir. Can you let me-”

“No,” he said as he clasped his helmet onto his head; walking out of the bedroom, towards the outside world currently bustling while you were strung to the Commander’s bed.

And that was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he just wants to make sure you're there when he gets back. ;) Since you know, you've left before.
> 
> So timeline wise, this should put us right before Poe and Finn escape. The next time you see Ren he'll have melted a good portion of the bridge with his light saber. Oh boy.  
> I'll try to work more of the timeline into the story so it's more obvious but I will periodically state it in the AN like this in case it's not. I don't mind putting small Kylo POV scenes in, if that will help and if that's not something y'all are totally put off by.  
>    
> As always, thank you for your hits. Please leave kudos and comments to feed my pride but mostly to let me know how you feel, how you're doing, any questions or concerns. <3
> 
> *also totally a disclaimer but if anyone is upset that I quoted Melanie Martinez lyrics, I apologize.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have experience with D/s but as the s it's challenging to write the D side. My guiding light is this quote by Adam Driver himself regarding how the team tackled Kylo's character, "not to think of him as being bad, or evil, or a villain. Something that was more three-dimensional. He's more dangerous and unpredictable, and morally justified in doing what he thinks is right."
> 
> I hope I can do that justice while still writing him as a good teacher. :)

_You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway_

_You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs_

_It hurts but I won’t fight you_

_You suck anyway_

_You make me wanna die, right when I_

_When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place_

_When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place_

The Neighborhood

 

You had fallen asleep, woke up for a few minutes when something in the corner beeped, and then fallen sleep again. Semen oozed out of you when you shifted, turning to crust long before Kylo would come back. You wanted to reach for a blanket, rub the growing knot out of your thigh, curl up in a ball and hoard the few things you had learned from this run in with Ren.

You knew he wanted you to be his something. That listened to him and gave deference. Willingly, you supposed, instead of being forced to. What an intoxicant gift. 

You knew he liked to have control. With this fact came a string of questions. Is this how he treated the girls before you? Is this why they were crying? It wasn’t making sense for some reason, that they be so devastated and heartbroken over what he wanted.

You knew he didn’t like to be told ‘no’. The pain that radiated throughout your core was proof enough of that. Your muscles ached at the thought of him coming back for more, while other parts of you longed to be touched again. You curled over on your side as best you could and blew a few strands of hair out of your face. You probably didn’t have long before he returned and you doubted you could do a week’s worth of deep thinking in a few hours. And frankly, you didn’t want to. While parts of you were tender, your body was coursing with a type of hot energy you hadn’t felt in a long time; you looked down at your flushed body _sex looks good on me_

You pulled on all four strings, reaching and angling different ways to achieve something. Anything. You had just grazed the edge of a piece around your ankle when the doors opened. You arranged yourself calmly and looked the other way while you quieted your deep breaths, trying not to betray your motives.

He stormed past the bedroom, stomping around the rooms further inside. _Like he owned the place_. The stomping stopped for a few seconds and you bit your lip in fear, forgetting he had free and unlimited access to your thoughts. He continued walking until you heard the sound of a distant blaster door open and shut, his footfalls stopping all together after that. You let out the breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding in and bit the corner of the pillowcase. The rough cotton of it in your mouth had a grounding effect and calmed your heartbeat as you waited for him to come back.

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

You weren’t exactly sleeping, more just laying completely still with your eyes open. The lack of thoughts skimming over your mind was meditative in a way and reminded you of work. The smell of food woke you up out of your trance but you couldn’t move far. You whimpered as more smells wafted into the room; your stomach felt twisted and gouged out. You were past the point of starving…you were ravenous. You heard the clink of eating utensils and your heart fell. He had never come across as the type of person to hold you hostage and starving. The lack of sustenance had your mind careening in multiple directions at once.

“I was going to let you eat,” he stated matter of factly. You balked as he strode into the room, fully clothed and helmeted opposite yourself present in only a shirt. All four tethers unwound from you at once. You scurried off of the bed and away from them before they could hold you down again. You stared at the bed, like an inviting trap, but he moved you towards the refresher, hand firmly steering you by your shoulder. You took short steps as the tile cooled the bottom of your feet but the humidity in the air had you longing for a good scrubbing.

“Wash up and when you’re clean, you can eat,” he said before exiting the bathroom. It suddenly felt more cavernous without him there. You went to the screen and tapped in the orders for one piping hot shower. Your wish came true; his soaps felt bewitching being rubbed into your skin and rinsed off like silk. You tilted your head back into the jets of water, loving the way they streamed over your face. It made you think of other hot streams of fluids on you.

You literally shook the thought from your head and decided this was as good as any a spot to finish. You turned the shower off and stepped over to grab a fluffy towel, wrapping it around yourself and shoving your face in the cottony softness. It smelled nice and refreshing. Why Kylo Ren would bother with the silly pools, you wondered. This shower alone was better.

“I think you just have no standards,” came his voice as he walked in, boots squeaking on the wet tile but his helmet and cowl were off now. He tossed a dark blue garment your way; could be a dress, could be an oversized shirt. You lost a hold of your towel as you were forced to jump slightly to catch it. Your towel draped itself on your hip as the released side fell to your feet; you tried scrambling to cover yourself up but he was already on his way out before you even had time to blush. You pulled the garment over your head and sighed in relief as it touched the middle of your thigh; could be worse.

You tied your damp hair into a bun at the nape of your neck and followed your nose to the delectable scents coming from the Commander’s dining room. A small table surrounded by four chairs sat in the middle of the room _I’m sure he doesn’t get company often_ laden with various sized bowls and plates of assorted food. You drew yourself back some and tried desperately to remove the twinkle you had had in your eye since you entered the room. You paused and looked over at him; he motioned with his hand for you to sit down next to him so you did. He had scooped small, equal portions of everything present onto a plate that was directly in front of you.

You hesitated and looked to him. He nodded his head and you dug in as politely as you could. All the foods tasted wonderful and after what felt like an entire day of not eating- now that you thought about it, you didn’t know what time it was, much less when the last time you ate was- you felt flavor in your mouth and nutrients spread into your body.

You knew he liked to reward good behavior.

You were spooning soup into your mouth when he stood up. You stopped immediately out of curiosity and mild trepidation. You lowered your spoon back into the soup as he walked past you and you heard a door open but all of the doors were about equal distances from you so it was hard to tell where he went precisely. You continued eating but the mouthfuls felt like stones piling up in your stomach. You had no real reason to distrust him but you also had no reason to trust him. It all came back to what you had heard. Which easily brought up the issue of his proposal; your existence was firmly on his radar and you had better come up with some kind of answer. Right?

You grabbed a roll and tore it off in chunks to eat, contemplating not giving him an answer at all, when the water started up again in the refresher. Short of licking the plates clean you made sure you had your fill of food before you got up and walked into the bathroom, using the counter as a chair. You faced Kylo Ren and looked up at him, committing his face to memory; every scar, every freckle. His passive expression goaded you, unimpressed and ambivalent, not in the least bit moved to react. 

He continued scrubbing his scalp as you licked your lip and pulled the elastic out of your hair, shaking your hair out of it’s braid. You tugged on one section and let out a sharp moan. You looked down and saw the imprint of your nipples on your shirt and closed your eyes, surprised at how turned on you were with just _now_ dipping your fingers into your wet folds. You took a deep breath and opened your eyes, staring into brown ones. He was now washing the suds out of his hair with a proud, disgustingly large erection.

You blushed and squeezed your thighs together, halting the heat accumulating and radiating outwards from your hand. Between your knees and your shirt hanging down low, he had no good view for what you were doing. _Maybe it’s time to give him a show_

You bunched your free hand into the hem of your shirt and pulled it up to your hip, slipping your fingers in and out in long, dramatic motions. Your tongue darted out to the corner of your lips as he took a soapy hand and ran it along his shaft, watching you fuck yourself. You curled your fingers in and pleaded with the spot your fingers kept bumping into. You pulled your fingers out and started rubbing your clit, pulling your shirt up to your waist, and exposing yourself for your ministrations. You closed your eyes and started panting when you heard wet footsteps approaching you. Suddenly your hands were ripped from their stations and pinned together, above your head on the foggy mirror. Your juices dripped down the length of your fingers and onto his and he laced them together.

“I want to take care fo you. Let me teach you,” he urged. You looked up at him-parts still covered in soap, face red and flushed from the heat in the room- and swooned at how handsome he was close up. You licked your bottom lip, calculating the centimeters and trajectory you would have to travel to suck his into your mouth, overwhelmed by his proximity, his stare on you, his breath becoming yours.

“I have rules,” he stated, relinquishing one hand on your wrists to wrap it around his cock, stroking himself in a fast, hurried attempt at catch-up. You whined, wanting his hardness somewhere _anywhere_ in your body instead of less than a teasing inch from your slit. He stopped to take in your disheveled appearance-legs spread, shirt scrunched and crumpled, hair wildly undone, flushed face, and dazed eyes staring at his member- and looked down at the beautiful scene you had created together. Your insides clenched and his dick twitched, a call and response between overly familiar body parts.

You nodded, signaling two things. He slowly brought his tip to rub gently on your clit, stimulating your waning climax back into a welcome possibility. You gulped and looked up into his eyes.

“What do you say?” He asked.

“I understand, Sir,” you replied. 

He groaned as you said that, plunging himself into you, soaking in the feeling of your wet pussy. One of his hands cupped your face, caressing your chin and rubbing his thumb along your lips. They parted obediently and your breath came out in short gasps as his cock stirred inside of you, the first movement yet. You snuck a look down and marveled at the connection, sucking his thumb into your mouth, mirroring what your bottom half was doing.

“You can call me Sir or Commander,” he said. You had a feeling that in the right setting that rule could bend but you weren’t going to push it anytime soon. He looked at you, expectantly.

“Yes, Commander Ren.” _Whoops, I lied_

His hand left your cheek and wrapped around your neck, squeezing the sides to cut off blood flow. Your vision blurred slightly around the edges as a humming noise set in the corner of your conscious. 

“You are to trust me. I will always have your interest in mind. Your submission is a gift I am grateful for,” he murmured in your ear. His fingernails dug in into the skin of your neck before he let go completely to direct blood to another area of your body.

Easy enough terms. Pressure started building where his hands had replaced his cock, scratching that itch that only he could get to. He knew how to bend you, how to guide you towards heights unimaginable and soar through planes less traveled. You could be reborn in the palm of his hand, wrapped around his finger and he yours, intoxicated by the power you freely handed over. He took those same fingers and coaxed a throaty moan from your mouth as cum leaked into his hand.

“Let me have control,” he commanded _strained_ as he rubbed your clit, keeping you there out of sheer wanting to. Thick, sticky streams of his semen landed on your stomach and thighs as he jerked himself off to the shameless look of pure bliss on your face. You couldn’t hide it, and why should you have to? He should see exactly what he does to you. 

He shuddered and bent his head to the crook of your neck, inhaling lungfuls of the smell of his soaps on your skin. Smelling like him _such a primal thing_ all over your body, smears of his sweat and cum swathed you like an erotic painting where you were the canvas. 

He picked his head up, backed away, and grabbed a towel from the cubby next to the counter. He wrapped it around his waist and pulled another one down. He set it down next to you and walked over to turn the water back on before turning to leave.

You could take a hint.

You slid off the counter and shucked your shirt and underwear off, stepping into the refresher for the second time.

 

-

 

-

 

-

You walked into the hallway, naked and drying your hair. You were about to ask for some lotion when you realized how silent it was. You peeked in the rooms you could open and stuck your ear to the ones you couldn’t; nothing. His towel was left hanging on the side of the laundry hamper so you laid yours on top of his and prowled through his closet for something to wear. You found an entire outfit of too big clothes, starring sweatpants and a tank top, and sat down on his bed, plaiting your hair into a few braids. You got up and walked towards the door in search of your boots and socks when Kylo Ren almost walked straight into you. You barely had time to react before he started.

“Where are you going?” He barked. You flinched a bit at the rough edge to his tone and figured a bad answer was better than no answer at all.

“Out,” you mumbled, slipping your foot into your shoe. It flew out from under your very toes, startling you and throwing you off balance. You reached your arm out and caught it on the wall. Well, that was rude.

“No, you’re not,” he said and walked off. Not one to turn down a fight, you stalked after him.

“You could have just said so. Instead of being a jerk and almost making me fall. I can understand this language, you know?,” you retorted. He could keep you as a play hostage, whatever kink of his that may fulfill you didn’t want to know, and have his fun but he wasn’t going to be mean about not being able to read his mind.

“I did not ask for your opinion,” he replied, as normally as saying space was cold or milk was blue. He sat down on the couch in the living area opposite the dining room and removed his helmet. The hair on your arm bristled at the dark aura surrounding him. Whatever he had done in the time he left had shaken him. Awakened the brooding, snarling beat inside. You took one step towards him and he looked up, guarded like a stray animal being approached. You took another small step towards him, and another, and another until you could kneel down in front of him and pat his knees. You smoothed out the fabric and rested your forehead against him while you took some breaths in. Once your lungs were working at normal speed you started again.

“I know this, Sir,” you said. You wanted to say more but you had to trust him.Everyone was afforded some frustration; you just didn’t want his boiling over onto you. Burns were your least favorite injury. He placed his hand on your head and a secret, held breath escaped past your teeth. 

“You can’t leave,” he said. You raised your head to look at him, a steely, determined look in his eyes. You knew you weren’t going to win this but you had to fight.

“I don’t see why I can’t leave. I haven’t done anything to-”

“You don’t have to understand why and that may be hard for you but you are to stay here,” he commanded, standing up. Your hands fell off of his leg as he walked off.

“I DON’T-,” you started with a raised voice

He stopped and stretched his arm towards you, as if his hand was over your mouth, preventing you from finishing your sentence, instead of the invisible Force.

“Do as I say, girl. You’ve already shown too much of yourself,” he said. Leaving his quarters entirely before you had the ability to say something, if you wanted to.

You had so many questions swirling around with some unresolved curious and exasperation. You puffed your chest at the ability to carefully navigate his tantrum and swelled with pride until you remembered he had to physically silence you. _Can’t win them all, I guess_

You sat up and climbed onto the couch, kicked the arm a few times for good measure, curled up in the excess room of your clothes, and focused on random spots on the opposite wall. Some chips of paint, what looked like a face made out of dents, probably the end result of a particularly bad day. Your eyes fell and your breathing evened out, signaling you were well on the right path for sleep. The last thoughts hung on the speck of concern in his eyes when he first announced your stay and who exactly was so put off by your little existence. You didn’t want to care that he may cared. Not when you couldn’t leave. You were angry and that wasn’t something you felt like giving up yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When he leaves during your shower, he was summoned with Hux to speak to Snoke. I think I'll let his anger fester a bit more so that it collides with the reader's into a fantastic blood-and-cum bath.
> 
> My schedule will be a bit hectic over the weekend so I'm hoping to get most of the next chapter written tomorrow and then edit it over the next few days. Since I'm trying to incorporate the storyline in, it will take a bit longer to get chapters out but I'm also hoping to make them longer. So cheers, to promises and getting fucked in another refresher.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mild, mild blood play and degredation
> 
> I'm trying to ease into the kinks here. I know reader-chan is already head over heals in sub but that doesn't mean we can't do normal couple things and take our time in other ways *wink*

Isn't it lovely, all alone?

Heart made of glass, my mind of stone

Tear me to pieces, skin and bone

Hello, welcome home

_Billie Eilish, Khalid_

 

_He curled his hands into a fists and rested them on his knees, even and equidistant with each other. He tried to keep this from being ritualistic but consistency and good form never failed to help his meditation along. He lowered his head and looked down at the deformed helmet before speaking._

_“Forgive me. I feel it again,” he said. He looked away as guilt edged it’s way into his thoughts. Up, over, any direction away from the last remnant of a person he respected more than Supreme Leader Snoke himself. Images of people dripped into his mind, like a storm seeping through a leaking roof. His mother, his father, his uncle,_ **soft, supple skin that yields to his touch, gives in where he is concerned**

_“The pull to the light,” he whispered,_ **the taste of your sweat still hanging onto the edge of his lips; an artful reminder of the the places his and your lips had been recently. A barrage of those memories came surging in, intermittent with lilting gasps and moans.**

_“Supreme Leader senses it,” he stated. The knowing look in Snoke’s holographic eyes when he was summoned, face still blushed; The smell of sex and soap mingling in an unholy, indiscreet mixture, permeating the surrounding air with the arousal of a recent and satisfying fuck. Hux smirked, barely but enough to solidify Kylo in his decision. You had to stay hidden. Desire, rage, passion, and the tiniest sliver of fear combined and combusted inside of him; a small taste of the pure power that coursed through his veins when he truly wielded the power of his heritage._

_“Show me again, the power of the darkness, and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me, Grandfather, and I will finish what you started,” he said to a warped, helmet-shaped hunk, standing up to leave the room. He had a New Republic to blow up._

 

_*_

 

_*_

 

_*_

 

The floor was so immaculately clean and well-made that you could successfully slide the length of the hallway. You were hoping that by the time the next meal droid came in, you could get to the couch. Pairs of socks littered the floor as you enacted your science experiment on Kylo Ren’s wardrobe, testing which ones got you further to your goal.

You sat on the arm of the couch and guzzled a glass of water, your voracious thirst causing drops to splash out of the glass and down your neck. You laid the empty glass down on the floor and kicked it gently to the kitchen area, hoping you remembered doing it when you walked that way sooner or later. You turned your head and surveyed the living room; plates, bowls, cups, forks littered the floor. Next to the somewhat contained and designated trash spot, lay a hunk of metal and random sparks. Also, the reason why they no longer sent droids to get your dirty dishes. You had started off good about cleaning the dishes but the sink was starting to overflow a tad, you had spilled sauce on the couch a few times, and all at once-

Peace.

Sweet relief granted by the gods washed over you as you remembered. You didn’t give a fuck. You giggled at the number one running joke these past few days. ‘Days’ was assumed but the only thing you had to go off of was the fact that you still had a sleep cycle. You had slept twice already. You took naps sometimes but they were normally interrupted by the quick open and shut of the door, signaling your food had arrived.You had gotten better at braiding your hair, though. That was something. The one thing you had control over was your body. You could shower, wear (or not) whatever clothes you wanted (being mostly naked wasmore aerodynamic so undergarments were all you needed for the duration of the experiment), and eat anything. 

The hologram pad called to you like a beacon the second you went discovering.  The assortment was much bigger than the one you got in the cafeteria. You had heard rumors that the food was better for the higher ups and now you could say you had had it firsthand. If you ever made it out of here. _Whoever writes out the description for the menu really takes their job seriously_ just thinking about reading about the food had your mouth watering so you decided it was time to eat your…ah, **oatmeal and assorted fruit.**

Two bites into your oatmeal and the holopad dinged, signaling the arrival of Kylo Ren. You had thwarted two of his sessions already: once by humming loudly the whole time, a second time by leaving the pad in a different room. You didn’t look up when the blue light of the hologram cast a nice glow over your spot at the table. You expected him to be angry and the more indifferent he found you, the worse this would go. You were sure he could stop the meals from coming so maybe it was time to hear him out. 

For cordialness’ sake. 

You pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your feet on the chair, drawing in on yourself. Giving your body language away like points on a treasure map, weaknesses to exploit and conquer. You were nervous. Of what he could do, _what he would do cause there was no way he was letting those two incidents slide_

“I’m glad to know I don’t have to force you to eat,” he said evenly.

“That’s the last thing you’ll ever have to force me to do,” you said, the two closest emotions you could use to describe what you were feeling were anger and lust. He was forcing you to do a lot of things; the fact that he felt haughty enough to joke about it. **Oh** and then the thought of all the things he could force on you, **in you**. These past few days, after having your brains fucked loose every couple of hours by the Commander, had been a lesson in patience and self-reflection.

It was one thing to buck up when a swipe of your arm could cut him in half but the second his boots hit the floor outside of his door, you knew you would bow down and roll over, a servant to his every whim, proudly offering what he very well knew to be his.

A tiny thought niggled it’s way to the tip of your tongue. You wanted to ask, you **really** wanted to know. Where was he, when was he coming back-

That familiar, empowering serene feeling settled in behind your eyes and traveled down your throat, preventing you from asking and reminding yourself that he deserved nothing for keeping you here. It traveled down your stomach and was almost immediately accosted by the hot, solid wall of sexual frustration accumulating between your legs. Your emotions warred each other: stuck between the rock of his dominance and the hard place of wanting even a speck of respect from the one and only, Commander Kylo Ren. You yearned for the releases he could give you, how your body thanked him for every touch as if his fingertips leaked the antidote that stopped the aching in your body. Even the ones deep-

“Why have you been avoiding me?” He asked

“Why have you been keeping me hostage?” You lobbed right back, swirling the spoon around in the bowl, scraping together a small bite to feign appetite as your stomach was threatening to spill itself out into your breakfast.

He hissed out of exasperation at your question. He should have known you weren’t letting go that easily. You swallowed the lump of mush you had been holding on your tongue, feeling a perk of confidence at him being even the tiniest bit flustered. He shuddered, almost visibly swallowing his anger, and continued on.

“You haven’t ordered any meat or meals of substance. Just snacks and nonsense-“

“Comfort food,” you interrupted.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“Comfort food, Sir. I’m sure if you were being held hostage, you would want good-“

“That’s enough,” he clipped, without a raised tone or skipping a breath. 

You gulped and lowered your eyes, fixating on one piece of oat in particular.

“I’ve told you, it’s for your own good. You did this to yourself,” he asserted.

“Are you jealous?” You dared to ask, smirking for good measure. Why not? Your ass was begging for something other than sitting around. 

“I have no reason to be jealous of him,” he claimed furiously. The amount of conviction was too much, spilling over and seeping into his voice. You snickered.

“Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself of that, not me,” you said, pushing your chair away from the table and standing up. You walked over to rinse your bowl out; more so to show off your lack of pants but cleanliness was also a factor.

He was silent for a few moments before asking, “Has being alone affected you to the point of thinking that is an acceptable response?” He asked as he curled his hands into a fist.

“You _left me_ with NOTHING. Nothing to do, or read, or clean, or **LOOK AT** ,” you yelled, putting more and more emphasis on every word that tore itself from your mouth. “Even if I wanted this, I should be able to stop this. To leave the moment I want to but I can’t!” You wrapped your arms around your stomach, burrowing inward at the feeling of claustrophobia clinging to your skin. His reasonably sized quarters were closing in on you, wrapping it’s corners and edges around your curves like an unwelcome, encroaching exoskeleton. Tears stung at the corner of your eyes as your heart rate sped up, lungs unable to get enough air in your lungs.

You threw your arm out and smacked the bowl across the kitchen, watching as it soared through the air. Sucking in a huge gulp of air the second it shattered against the wall, releasing you from the spell of a mounting panic attack.

Before he could get another word out you were reaching for a glass, a fork, anything you could throw. The messier, the better. You vaguely remember hearing him yell before his image clicked off, leaving you to your violent revelry. Minutes went by, hours may have passed but you continued throwing, smashing, bending, squashing, stomping on every bit of tableware that had accumulated over the past few days. You faltered as you stepped towards the couch, wanting a better view of your outburst but all out of earlier’s energy and endorphins. 

You fell to your knees and into a small pile of crumble and dust that was once a small plate. You reached for the blanket on the arm of the couch and wrapped it around your upper body, the soft cotton threads rubbing a satisfying heat into your skin. Your skin was clammy, evidence of your earlier attack, and your eyes were drifting shut. You did what you could to shield your cheeks from shards of glass and slept.

-

 

-

 

-

 

The blaster door shot open as he stormed into his quarters. In a perfect world, you would have woken up to the impending sense of a tantrum but you didn’t so you woke up to the blanket being ripped off and your cheeks being ground into the dirty, prickly floor instead. You whimpered when his foot rolled, pushing your forehead over and into a few sharp shard into your forehead.

“Is this how you treat my kindness?” He asks, voice dripping with scorn. “Is this how you thank me for my care, you worthless slut?” 

You yelped when he moved his foot down to step between your shoulder blades, pressing your chest down into the ground. You cried out when the delicate skin of your nipple, left covered by only a shirt, was sliced into. Tiny whines tried sneaking past your lips but you wouldn’t let them. You knew this was coming. Deep down you knew. Just as the tide came in and the kushiban were as smart as they were cute, you knew you couldn’t stop this. 

Kylo used his foot to push you over on your back, looking up into his face with a red, tear-streaked face. He walked one foot over you, standing with his legs spread directly over yours. He bent down and jerked on the thin fabric of your shirt, ripping it down your torso after a few pulls. You looked down at your heaving chest and saw scattered streaks of blood.

Your mouth opened to say anything and everything that you could but his hand was faster, smacking you hard on the cheek before you could get anything out.

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” he said as he tenderly stroked your cheek before roughly shoving your head to face the other way. He fingered the scrapes and cuts near your jaw, pushing the splinters in as he rubbed his gloved fingertips over them. “Are you acting out? Did you miss me so much that even punishment is better than nothing at all? Having bits of cups and bowls stuck in your skin is preferable to sitting here safe and quiet?”

You snorted. Safe and quiet were the last two words you would use to describe yourself. Certainly the case after repeatedly finding yourself under this man or raising your voice at him. 

“Why are you here if you don’t want to do this?” He asked. You bit your lip, attempting your best to keep the tidal wave confession from sweeping over you but instead the words bubbled out and boiled over, a pot of scalding water intent on hurting you.

“You act as if I had a choice,” you bit, as much of a confession as it was an accusation. You had wanted no more than to exist solely in this room, out of anywhere in the galaxy. Waiting and waiting, albeit impatiently, but here nonetheless with the sole purpose of waiting for him to get back. Even if you didn’t want to be there, you did. Even if you didn’t, he could make you.

You should hate him.

You should **despise** him.

For how he treats people. Workers, entire villages of people _innocent or not_. For keeping you locked up in an isolated part of the ship, where few meant to even venture. For apparently endangering your life by exposing you to Hux and Snoke. You looked up at him, standing proud and tall over your huddled form. Fear and arousal took over your senses, wanting to pick your head up a few feet and offer to wash his dick with your tongue. You shouldn’t be turned on by this _but I am_

You gritted your teeth as you pressed your palms to the floor and pushed yourself up to rest back on the couch. You trailed your fingertips up his calf, over his knee, and to the inside of his thigh where you drew lazy swirls and the plans your mouth had. You flicked the tip of your tongue over your bottom lip and tasted blood, dislodging something as it fell and clinked hitting the floor.

“Can I help you?” He asked. You put more pressure on your fingertips as they rode further up his thigh, like a tooka pawing at the door to be let in. Hecrooked his finger under your chin and lifted your head up more. “From now on, you say what you want. You’re a big girl, use your words.” Even when he mocked you, you wanted him.

“I want to fuck you,” you said. The confidence that came from those few words made you feel taller, more daring. He smirked, watching you blossom before his very eyes. You had waited days to say that so another second passing by wasn’t welcome. He had created a monster by leaving you here to soak and steep in your ire, lust, and rebellion. A toxic stew. 

He knelt down, a knee on either side of you. Face to face and he had only been home a few minutes. _I’m doing great on time_ You hesitated for a second with your next thought. His eyes bore into yours, digging _knowing_ what you wanted.

“Then say it,” his voice hitting a deep note that was tied to one between your legs. This mix between a command and a plea had you coming undone, starving for what he had kept away for days.

“I want you to kiss me,” was barely in the air before his lips were crashing into yours, tugging one between his teeth. Your fingers wound into the soft, dark hair at the nape of his neck while fingernails sunk into the first bits of skin they could find. You opened your mouth and he took the opening; tapping the tip of his tongue on your teeth, paying homage to the body he was about to govern, and swirled it around yours. His hands raked up and down your shoulders, dowsing over every inch of your skin he could get ahold of, on the quest for whatever it was about you that kept him here. Why he left a vital interrogation to have a taste of a morsel hidden away, destroying his room and securing the existence of a major erection that wanted nothing more than to tear your insides up. 

He snuck his tongue out to lick the thick, slightly coagulated blood near your lip earning a moan from your mouth. Reminded of what he was missing, he went back to ravishing you. His hands skimmed over your breasts, dipping into your navel, and quickly getting to the point by pulling your panties down. He savored the view of your body haphazardly perched below him, ripe for the taking, and then went back to memorizing the imprint of your teeth. He prodded your entrance, another assault on your senses, and was given no resistance when two fingers slipped in to remind you of what you were waiting for all this time. 

“Who,” he corrected, removing his fingers from your pussy, ghosting a finger over your clit before removing his pants. You raised your hips, longing for what he was furiously working to get out. His erection sprang out from its cloth cage. You closed your eyes and tipped your head back in anticipation.

He kissed your throat and sucked a cut into his mouth as he pushed himself into you. What started out a hiss ended as a cry when he filled you, warm and to the brim. Sharp pieces dug into your ass as he pushed in further for good measure. He barely pulled himself out before going back for more, choosing instead to swivel his hips around and rub sweet nothings into your clit. Your hands decided to wander around his torso, taking familiar paths around scars and knots you had come to know. He sucked a spot on the side of your neck until it burned and you panted. You lifted your hips up to his, bucking into any rhythm he had going with your own. You needed faster, _deeper,_ **more**.

“Then tell me,” he prayed to your temple. You shivered, barely feeling his lips on your skin.

“Please. Fuck me, Sir,” he picked his rhythm back up easily, “Oh, Sir. I need to feel you better than that. I’m sorry, I’m so greedy,” you shuddered, baring your sins for the devil himself to assess. You were rewarded for your lust with the gentle nudging of his thumb into the one hole he hadn’t assaulted today. You paused for a second, understanding what he wanted and that you were perfectly fine giving it. A whisper of a thought made it’s way in but was immediately tossed into the pile of things to think about after you were done being desecrated.

His teeth nipped at the partially formed scab on your chin and drove his cock deep inside you, an offering of pure, orgasmic bliss. The tiny cuts along your cheek stung, the salt from mingled sweat keeping you on this plane of existence while the juices mixing further down were the product of why stars flew across the inside of your eyelids. 

“What do you want?” he asked, straining himself to not push you over the edge until you asked. You shook your head, wanting to savor the feeling of his cock and finger, stopping you from going any further. He murmured your name, nuzzling the skin behind your ear into submitting. Throwing yourself to the whim of what he wanted to do with you.

“I want to cum, Sir,” you choked out. Half way through your admission, an uncompromising feeling of static laid itself into your clit, circling the bundle of nerves at the same, primal pace that his cock was pounding into you. One swipe of his thumb at your puckered rim and you were gasping in between the multiple “Thank you, Sir”s tumbling out at once. You closed your eyes and soaked in the last couple of thrusts, sustaining the heated feeling in your stomach then adding to it when he came. Seconds later he was still filling you, semen oozing out with no place to go since he refused to take himself out. You both sat like that for a while, crumpled in on each other and reveling in the sweat-soaked reunion. He picked his head up and thrust his arm up, summoning the holopad to his hand and pressed a few buttons.

He sat back on his haunches, leaving the warm cavern of your body and picked you up. He walked towards the refresher, setting you down on the side of the tub while he adjusted the settings.

“I, uh, I already washed my hair this morning,” you mumbled to no one in particular. He looked over at you for a second and then water started rushing behind you, startling you into yelping. He smirked and then walked to his room, coming back with an armful of towels, washcloths, and clothes. He immediately set to wetting a cloth in the sink and wiped the parts of your face that needed it most. Within minutes, a small droid came with a basic first aid kit and a reminder from the doctor on duty to please contact her if it was serious.

He turned his back halfway through the suggestion and started rubbing disinfectant into any spot of red he saw and lathering bacta all over your face like moisturizer. He pulled you up by your hands and had you turn around, as he surveyed any other spots. He wiped and smeared various spots on your back and ass before smacking your cheek.

“Don’t wash that off,” he commanded.

You obeyed.

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

Nestled into the covers, you reminisced about the last few hours of company and actual conversation. You learned bits and pieces about a droid, a map, and a girl. How invigorating it was to fight against someone, saber to saber, with such raw talent. How he won, bested her, captured her to find his uncle. Your stomach turned at some of the details, wondering who this girl was and if he knew how excited he sounded.

He was supposed to come to bed soon but something was holding him up. You heard curses from the other room and a thunder of steps as he tore out of his quarters. The door didn’t shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long it took to get this chapter out. The new semester starts in three weeks and I'm going on a weeklong vacation next week so my goal is to write as much as I can on the flights lol.
> 
> Every time I went to post it, I thought of different ways to make improvements. Flow is a huge part of writing for me and that's what I spend a majority of the time obsessing about.  
> Like I've mentioned at times, I'm going to incorporate elements of the canon story and also explore different kinks. There are one or two things I don't feel comfortable writing about but I'm fairly open. I have a cuckolding type scenario planned, some gag usage, heavy bondage, and tons of punishment cause that shit is my jam.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could make this chapter longer but I would rather get it out than sit on it any longer. I'm trying to be more descriptive of surroundings so that's my next thing to work on. I'm about half way through my vacation so hopefully I can work another one out on the plane ride back. Anywho, enjoy!

I can be a hard light to ignite

All my nightmares feel like real life

Wait for the explosion

Only to anticipate

Running in slow motion

I can never get away

Sweet paralysation

No one here to keep me safe

Hyperventilation

I'm about to go insane

Wake me up and keep me conscious

_Broods_

 

 

 

 

You sat stunned, covers pulled up to your chest and eyes wide. The door still hadn’t shut and every fiber of your being screamed to _GET OUT_ before it did close. But still you sat, a cowering mess in the face of freedom just a few dozen footsteps away. Eerie silence leaked into the quarters, goosebumps spread up your arm and over your shoulders. Paralyzed with the thought of what was going on out there, you swallowed the hard lump in your throat and decided that investigating was a lot better than shivering from fear. You squeezed your eyes shut, rubbed them, and started preparing for the worst. You were on your own at this point and looking out for yourself was second nature.

You scurried around the room and put on a large black tunic, the leggings you had showed up in, and a large black cowl for comfort more than anything. The ship was cold and starting to feel more so. You ran into the bathroom, packed some essentials in a small bag you found under the sink, and braided your hair up and out of the way.

_Fresh underwear and good shoes, everything else is just fluff._

You looked in the mirror and eyed the multiple scabs on your face. Bacta could come in handy so you decided to pack that, too. Before you could get caught up in bringing everything else, you headed out the door, relishing how good it felt just to take a single step outside. You took one more and could feel the skin of submission shedding itself, slowly but surely. Out here, you had yourself and yourself only. 

The lack of alarms scared you. You would prefer them to the nothingness that permeated the base. You started walking in no specific direction which quickly turned into jogging. Eventually you were sprinting away from his quarters, filled with a sense of sovereignty you weren’t sure you wanted to sacrifice. You heard a noise around the corner and felt relief at finally entering a part of the ship that wasn’t deserted, coming to a stop when you saw who it was.

_Buns. Of course._

She was clean and dressed for a take over, armed with a weapon even. You looked down at the clothes you wore, practically swimming in them, and felt embarrassment; like a child playing dress up. You looked back up at her and locked eyes. You were meters away from her and could smell him. Maybe not exactly him perhaps but something about them was strikingly similar yet different; like they were carved from the same tree but one at the roots and the other at the trunk. She was staring at you, probably not sure what you might do at the sight of her, and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the building sound of a parade of thundering steps heading your way. You ran towards her and grabbed her hand, tossing the cowl over her head for any semblance of disguise, pulling her behind you and into a maze of hallways. 

Your heart was beating so fast that you didn’t even realize when you couldn’t hear whoever it was anymore. You stopped and bent over, catching your breath and sanity at aiding the enemy. You could be killed for this and there was no way Kylo Ren would save you when he found out what you did. You whined and fought back tears, looking at her through blurred vision and wondering what exactly such a small woman did to catch the eye of the Commander. You figured you could ask yourself the same question but choked that thought off knowing what your future now entailed.

She pulled the cowl off and handed it back to you. You chuckled. She was smart; she knew whose it was and backed away at the realization of who you were. You rubbed your hand along your arm and wanted to say something but didn’t know what.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the base shuddering, groaning as explosions and blasts rocked it from the outside in. You gripped the wall for any kind of hold and reached for her arm, holding on tight until the shaking subsided enough to walk. You let go and finally something slipped out of your mouth.

“You should head that way,” pointing in a random direction. She nodded and ran; you waited a few seconds before deciding to follow her. If anyone could lead you to him, it would be her.

You stayed far enough away to keep a secret but close enough to be of help. You punched yourself in the side for not ransacking his quarters for at least a knife or blaster. Nausea rose up your throat at how muddled your brain had become since the day you had met him. He took over your senses, commanded your body, and now ruled your mind. So far, she had been adept at guessing which ways would have less traffic. You had a hunch that it wasn’t necessarily a complete guess and your spirits fell further at the realization that she had a connection to Ren you would never have, no matter how hard you tried. You were replaceable. Anyone could fuck him.

_No_

You felt it resound throughout your body, the confirmation you needed to slap your cheeks and break the melancholy spell before it could impede your focus any further. You had plenty of time wallow later; you shook your head, tossing unwanted thoughts out, and ran towards the buns bouncing ahead of you. Only they weren’t anymore.

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

You wandered around the base as the energy steadily rose to a level you had never witnessed. Everyone was on high alert and the scabs on your face couldn’t bode well for those that came across you. You came close to the bridge but decided that wasn’t the best place to be right now, immediately regretting losing track of Rey when you turned and ran into Hux.

“Well, here’s a face I haven’t seen in a while. How’s life, little mouse?” He asked, stroking a tendril of hair that had snuck out of it’s braid in the running around. You backed up and immediately hit the wall, cornered and no Kylo Ren to stave off the eventual harassment. When you didn’t answer he decided to speak again.

“I know he’s been keeping you somewhere. By your attire, I was right to assume it was as simple as his quarters. Such a child. Squirreling away his goods under a mattress. Or…on top in your case.”

Your cheeks burned at the open accusation, turning your head away from his prying stare. His eyes still swam with disdain and curiosity, enjoying watching you squirm and flounder under his hyper vigilant gaze. An alarm started beeping somewhere close by which drew his attention off of you. You felt a pull, like a string had been attached to your spine, and followed it away from him. He turned back to watch you run away, smirking at the fact that it never took much to rile you up.

You were lost again and the tugging was waning, becoming less easy to feel and track. You panicked at the disappearance of the only thing you had keeping you company and possibly guiding you. You foot faltered on the next step and you fell to your knees. The hallway was dark and lights were flickering. You heard what sounded like someone yelling _REN_ and bolted forward, stumbling a bit until you were upright enough for momentum.

You stopped when the hallway opened up into a large, open area. You looked around at the vast expanse of the ship and then heard it: the sharp, buzzing noise of a lightsaber and screams. Agony and yells ripped through the air around you as you watched Kylo retract his lightsaber, the man in front of him stumbling falling _falling falling falling_

He looked up at his audience and you fell back, head hurting with the feelings he was subconsciously pushing into you for safe keeping and harboring; thoughts and feelings he wasn’t ready to address so soon after murdering his father. Your eyes flicked back and forth, unable to keep up with the sheer amount of hatred, rage, confusion, and slight relief barreling and swirling around your head until you felt like blood and brain would soon be oozing out of your ears.

You heard your name through the fog in your head and turned your head away from the source, pangs ricocheting in your head like darts hitting whatever target they could land on. You heard it again only closer and softer. A soft hand touched your cheek and you gave in, turning your head to rest your pained forehead on the mysterious cool fingers. You looked up and recognized two people from the group as fellow attendants. You let go of the shallow breath you had been holding onto and closed your eyes, feeling the cool air wash over your face as you tipped your head back when arms slid under your knees and behind your neck. You were lifted up and carried away from the tumult of emotions assaulting the area behind your eyes. The stream was closing off some as you moved further away from your assailant, leaving behind a roiling mess of your psyche.  
  
The shaking and explosive noises picked up, with no discrimination as to where they fell next. Entire walls crumbled as you were carried into the hangar and lifted into a ship. You were sat up, head placed against a window for the sake of coolness on your flushed skin. You wondered briefly how it was possible to feel feverish and clammy at once as sweat dripped down your cold jaw. The ship vibrated and lurched forward before surging off into the air, away from a collapsing star. You looked down into the forest; red and blue combined in a shower of sparks, slicing through the air in a vibrant display of neon. You could feel color returning to your face and it was easier to breathe now. You tapped the foreign inhabitant in your mind and it shook, threatening to rampage if not left alone while it slept. You curled your arms around your body and sank into the seat before drifting off, leaving the monster behind until you eventually landed.

 

-

 

 

-

 

-

 

You woke up in an unfamiliar room on an unfamiliar cot with a vaguely familiar face staring at yours from a few feet away. Your voice gargled when you tried speaking and the woman leaned towards you, a cup of water in hand.

“Small sips,” she warned and you heeded, taking the cool liquid in. You lifted your arm up sluggishly and managed to rub some of the crust out of your eyes. You put your hand down for leverage and creakily pushed your way up into a sitting position, taking in the new vantage point of the room as well as your mostly naked top half. It was bare and small with a a few cots scattered around the edge of the walls, allowing for the center of the room to be open and spacious. You turned your head to look at the woman better and noticed she had cut her hair since you had last seen her. She had also been bawling over the Commander in the cafeteria of all places, but you decided to not think about that.

“Thank you,” you said. You shifted your legs out over the edge of the cot and braced yourself on the edge, working the creaks out of your arms and legs before standing up and stretching some. You sat back down afterwards, soaking in the feeling of blood reaching all of your extremities. Before you could even ask-

“You have an appointment in a few hours in medbay. I can show you where that is later. We should probably get some food in you. Do you want it ordered?” She asked.

“No-no…that’s fine. I can walk,” you murmured. You were sure she had already waited on you plenty and the less, the better. You stood up again and shimmied a clean shirt on over your bindings. You took some steps towards the open door and stumbled, an arm reached out and steadied you. You looked up expecting the woman but your eyes met Murray. You grinned at the welcome oasis that was his calm demeanor.

“First, you disappear and now, you’re trying to die on us?” He joked. You laughed nervously, having briefly forgotten you had vanished from thin air. Your eyes shifted to the lady and immediately went down once you noticed her stare. You had no reason to suspect this but she knew. And you knew it. No amount of slippery answers could circumvent the confrontation bound to happen.

“Ahh, yeah, I just took some time off is all,” you lied. Simple and believable enough but you needed him to go for it. She wouldn’t believe you and at this point, that was fine. You just needed one person on your side.

“Man, I wish I could take a vacation,” he sighed.

“It was alright. I didn’t have anything to do; almost drove me crazy,” you chuckled. That much was true and it made you feel better about your original fib. 

“Well, sorry to tell you but you’ll have plenty to do here once you’re cleared for work. They’re trying to figure out relocation,” he offered a small crumb of knowledge but that didn’t sate the hundreds of questions you had swarming, like malcontent bees. You nodded your head, not wanting to talk much more and followed him out, heading towards the cafeteria. You learned her name was Hara and you were almost certain some type of shy, budding romance existed between the two of them. That would be a nice distraction.

You noticed on your way there and back that there were a lot of people, everywhere there were clusters and groups of people. Lined up. Standing. Sitting. Laying. Bandages. Crying. Laughing. Sleeping. You wondered briefly how many didn’t make it. Did you know any of those that died? Blown up and left for their remains to float across the galaxy? 

The food needed to be stretched further so flavor greatly suffered; the lack of lift from your meal made it sit in your stomach, an immovable and constant reminder that nothing was going to be the same anymore. Rebels had colluded with a former stormtrooper and blown up the Starkiller base, harming the Commander of the First Order in the process. You had helped one escape. Probably the most important one. 

Your mind ruminated on that thought even while you sat in medbay, waiting on the unfamiliar nurse to call your name. You didn’t hear them the first time and apologized, hoping they didn’t add your hearing to the laundry list of things to assess and check.

You were led to a room and asked to undress for an extensive examination. You had heard and pieced together from random conversations that all of the refugees were being looked over, especially if they came in like you had; Murray and Hara must have had theirs already. 

The doctor came in finally, brisk and to the point.

“You arrived with head pain, nausea, and lethargy. Have you eaten and drank today?” He asked.

“Yes, I have done both,” you replied. You always felt nervous talking to doctors and any sentence more than ten words made you feel stupid.

“How are you feeling today?” He asked. 

“I’m feeling pretty fine. Still a bit lightheaded and weak,” you said, honesty winning out over getting out with the least amount said as possible.

“I’ll schedule a follow up for a few days from now and in the meantime I’ll give you some medicine. If you feel better by the day of the appointment, just cancel it. On your charts it looks like you had a recent birth control implant and needed a follow up for that which I can take care of. Can you show me the site?” You lifted your forearm up and pointed to the almost imperceivable bump on your arm.

“Looks fine to me. Okay, you can stand up now. If you want me to bring in a female for this part, let me know now,” he warned as he washed his hands and gloved up. You slid off of the hospital bed and stood still, naked in all of your glory. You liked it better when it was Kylo Ren standing clothed in front of your bare form.

The doctor walked around you, lifting your arm to poke and prod at ribs, running a pen over sensitive spots to test for reflexes. He ran his finger over the scabs on your face and the bruises that adorned your skin.

“From the evacuation?” He asked. You blushed.

“No, Sir. Those were, uhm, entirely consensual,” you admitted. Your face turned a deeper shade of red and you refused to make eye contact with him from here on out. He chuckled.

“That’s fine. Just make sure it stays that way,” he said before writing a prescription for vitamins and pain meds, leaving you to get dressed. You felt better knowing nothing concerned him and blushed again, swearing for not coming up with a less humiliating excuse. You must have used all your lies up with Murray. You hurried and got dressed, exiting the room when a swarm of lab coats ran by. A single name whispered and passed around amongst hushed voices caught your attention, causing you to swivel and watch them as they disappeared down the hall, turning to a section that required way more clearance you could ever have.

He was here. He was just down the hall. All of those burning questions from earlier came roaring to a head as you walked briskly towards a nurse in between you and the medical team.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” He asked, catching your eye as you lost track of just which hall they gone down.

“Yes, actually,” you confided, hoping the extra perk and feigned confidence made you look more superior than you felt right now, “Is Commander Kylo Ren down there?” You asked sweetly. _Whatever gets me closer to an answer_

_“_ I’m sorry, I can’t disclose that information with you,” he replied, curt in order to cut you off from more prying.

“I see,” you stated. You sighed and thanked him anyways, heading back towards the front area, prepared to leave when the receptionist said a different name that had you really regretting that food earlier, turning to head back into an area you were no longer allowed but it had to be better than-

Hux seemed to purr your name when he saw you, sending cold shivers up and down your legs. _Dammit_ You turned around to face him, head on. No more cowering. No more giving him the reaction he wanted.

“Here for a visit?” He asked coyly, knowing you were naturally on high alert around him. But he could help you. For once, he had something you wanted. And you wanted it badly. You needed to know how he was doing.

“Trying,” you admitted, deciding to keep on your path of truth. Maybe it could open some doors you had no key for at all.

“Well, sorry to hear that. Do keep at it,” he sarcastically replied, goading your anger but you had to reign it in. You needed-

“General Hux,” you called as he passed by you, half hoping he would just keep walking, that way you didn’t have to deal with him. Your heart skipped a beat when he turned around, face adorned with a smile no mother could love after seeing.

“Yes,” he said, standing still while you gathered the courage to put it out on the line.

“Would it be possible-“

“No,” he said, cutting you off and turning away. The door closed after a few seconds, leaving you to stare at the back of his head bobbing until you couldn’t anymore. Some one pushed passed you, trying their best to do their job despite you being in the way. You looked around and noticed how busy everyone was, most likely due to the influx of passengers and patients.

Lucky for them, you had a couple of days until you could be deemed ready to work again. Sitting outside medbay sounded as good a way as any to spend your additional time off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you feel! This was a fun chapter to write but I'm struggling with finding good flow between scene changes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so horribly upset at how long it took to get this chapter up. My life took a lot of turns these past few weeks so this one has been a slow crawl. I also did a lot of thinking and this story and it's kind of gotten longer than I anticipated. Like a lot longer. So I'm going to have that to deal with as well. I already have the next chapter mostly drawn up so it shouldn't be too much longer. Again, I'M SO SORRY TT-TT

I never said that I would be your lover

I never said that I would be your friend

I never said that I would take no other

Be your lover

Never said

_Thirty Seconds to Mars, Halsey_

 

 

Some times you paced. Some times you stood. Others you sat on the cold, hard floor for hours, ignoring the small red spots that had blossomed across your backside from sitting still for too long. Most times you stared at the same areas on the walls, the same scuffs on the ground, it was pretty rare to find something you hadn’t already noticed. You turned your head to the fairly chipper looking plant, your oasis, across the hall from the medbay. From here you could see all the comings and goings. Anyone that wanted to go through that door had to walk by you.

You had seen Hux twice now. You had almost missed him the first time, zoned out and staring straight ahead. Once his orange hair had been in focus for a few seconds, you blinked and he was gone through the doors. There must be an alternate exit for Supreme Fucklords cause it had been hours with no other sign of him. You saw him the next day and he smiled the entire walk towards you, freezing the plea in your throat before it could even be asked. You took a step towards him but was promptly ignored when you opened your mouth. He blew past you once again without so much as a modicum of respect towards what you felt was a perfectly reasonable request.

Your standards dropped every hour. Maybe you didn’t have to see him. Maybe he could just say what was wrong. Maybe just whether he had a fighting chance. Maybe just a nod or shake of his head, a thumbs up or down. You needed something to go off of.

You heard his gait before he even rounded the corner. Today you were going to ask. You stood up and glued your eyes in the direction that he was coming. You held your chin up and started walking towards him, confidence brimming over until you exuded the very essence of intimidation. You were tired of being jerked around by him, completely at the mercy of such a smarmy man and seething silently over it. _A force to be reckoned with_

A smirk played at your lips and only added to the effect. You stood still about 20 feet away, standing directly in his way by a couple of steps. He tried to sidestep you but you were already ahead of him, turning instead to walk by his side. He stopped immediately and you mirrored him, turning to look him straight in the eye.

“I want to see him,” you stated. You were being as civil as you could be, still extremely bitter about the way he had been treating you these past few days. But, you wanted-

“That’s nice. Anything else while you’re at it? Any other requests?” He asked sarcastically.

“No, Sir. That’s it. That’s all I want,” you offered as consolation. The contrite look in your eyes didn’t last long before the fire came back but if a bit of honey worked…

“I’ll think about it. Be here tomorrow when I come and I’ll let you know my decision then,” and with that he strode forward; you had enough sense to move out of his way then.

“What time will that be, General?” You asked, hope tinging the tips of your fingers as you curled them into your palms, hands fisting to keep it in order while he was still here.

“Whatever time I feel like,” the doors closing a physical punctuation mark. You punched the air, adrenaline pumping up through your arms and rushing down to the balls of your feet as you catapulted yourself up, jumping and spinning until you could feel the dizziness setting in behind your eyes.

You headed back to your room. He hadn’t been coming early but you weren’t putting a spiteful schedule change out of the realm of possibility. Might as well get some sleep and wake up early.

 

 

-

 

 

-

 

 

-

 

You fell asleep a bit before lunchtime; heavy eyelids, the thick cowl adorning your shoulders, and a warm bowl of oatmeal worked together at getting the small nap you were well into. You didn’t want to leave for lunch so that would have to tie you over until Hux showed up. A pair of shoes squeaked in the distance but at this point you were more than adept of doing the mental math, even while sleeping, needed to calculate if they were coming down this hall. A soft sound mere inches away jostled you from the deep sleep you were in, bringing you to the edge of the wakeful world. You figured maybe it was just Hara coming in the room. She actually worked unlike-

Wait. You weren’t in your room. Your eyes shot open as you stumbled up to a kneeling position, bracing your arm against the wall to stand up. You scanned the hallway, searching for red but seeing black and white instead. No one was there. You shuffled your feet, working some blood and energy down into them and almost stepped on a large apple. Your throat went dry as the realization dawned on you.

Someone was watching.

You stood in fear for what felt like hours. An eternity of thoughts drenched your mind as you spiraled. Was this why Kylo was anxious? Were you really being targeted? You dug your nails into your thighs, crescent moons imprinting into the soft skin there. Sweat started accumulating around your hairline and trickled down your forehead, prompting you to wipe it away.

Luckily, it was only seconds later that your internal investigation was suddenly put on hold. The not-so-familiar but highly anticipated sound of Hux walking filled your ears like the sweetest alarm. You bent down to pocket the apple and contemplate it’s meaning later.

You stood still until he reached your position, not breaking stride at all. You stumbled slightly to keep up with him, hoping that he was in a charitable mood. You talked yourself out of looking him up and down, finally having a moment to look at him without feeling disgust and fear taking over, and stared at his boots instead. If you squinted, it looked like the pair that were on top of your head not too long ago. He led you through the outer doors and into the lobby. You blushed thinking that man was a couple hundred feet away from you, undressed, attainable-

Blasters smacked you in the face, blocking you from moving past the ‘authorized personnel only’ doors. You whined at the pain but stared on in shock as Hux moved on without you. You opened your mouth to call after him but was interrupted by his voice.

“She’s allowed,” was all he said but all that was needed to remove the threatening barrier currently keeping you from Kylo. You had half a mind to stick your tongue out at the troopers but didn’t want that to be the strike that kept you out, so you scrunched your face up at them instead. _Perfectly harmless_

They lowered their guns and you scampered off, practically running to catch up and keep up with Hux. You figured he didn’t want to be here long by the fast pace he was sticking with. Once you caught up enough to get a side profile, you noticed how disinterested he looked. Like he would rather be a million other places than here. You decided to be as quiet and non-intruding as possible in hopes that you could squeeze one more visit out of him.

Eventually, he stopped and turned to look through a large window that made up more than half of the wall it was set into. Through the window you could see him laying on a bed, tubes streaming from his skin in various places like depressing party decorations. They led your eyes to the various blinking machines that were probably beeping, too, if you could hear into the room. As if he could read your mind, Hux pressed a button to the left of the window and static filled the air while he spoke into it.

“How is Commander Ren today?” He asked, the same way he would probably describe his morning shit. You winced at his blasé attitude but had to remind yourself that the relationship between the two was bound to be less than hostile. One of the workers in white scurried to the same set-up on their side.

“Good afternoon, General Sir. Commander Ren is finally looking better. He was awake not too long ago but as you can see is asleep again. Unfortunately, we’re going to have to wake him up now because he’s scheduled for another go in the bacta tank. Did you want to stay for that?”

He looked down at you from the corner of his eye and sighed before nodding. You gripped the leg of your pants to keep from throwing your arms around this unpredictable man. _What will he want in return_ The cold thought crept up the back of your neck and settled in next to the apple and monstrous, foreign jumble of thoughts. You had accumulated quite the collection of “think about laters”.  
  
“Yes, Sir. Just a minute or two,” and then they were buzzing around the room, preparing everything before they woke up a sleeping dog. The tank started filling up with clear liquid as they prepared what looked like a diving mask and started removing any tubes from his skin. One of the senior looking workers scooted closer to Kylo until they were bedside and rubbing his arm in hopes that a gentle wake up call would improve their prospects.

They were lucky.

He sat up fast and looked around, disarming fast when he realized he was somewhere undesirable but safe. His hand flew to the non-existent tubes around him, making you giggle with a suspicion of why they went ahead and removed them. He looked up at the window, into your eyes, and you froze, fingering a hole you had found in the cowl and wondering how he would feel about you being involved. 

A cold hand on your arm made your upper body convulse, stopping the breath in your throat when his mouth came close to the shell of your ear.

“Don’t worry. He can’t see through the glass,” Hux whispered, backing away to brush a strand of hair over your shoulder. The fact that Kylo Ren’s eyes were still tracking yours made you believe otherwise. Your heart rate was steadily rising, blood pounding in your ears at the implication that he could think you were here for any other reason than the hope of a glimpse at him. You took in the deep red scar that marred his face, splitting it in half diagonally. Black scabs were hidden deep in the crevices that made your mouth form a soft circle. You both stood there, staring at the other like it had been more than an almost deadly battle, a few days, and a screen glass that separated you. Your fingers itched to reach forward but they twirled the hole of his cowl furiously, working strands out of their place until there were double the amount of strays and frays than before.

He stood proud and tall, eyes still burning into yours, and walked over to the workers, needing little help at climbing into the tank before plunging into the healing goop. You let out a secret breath of relief when his eyelids fell shut, probably enjoying the hard work of the bacta. You looked down at your shoes and wondered how ungrateful you would seem to Hux if-

“Alright, that’s quite enough,” he said as he turned and strode back down the way you had came. You turned for one last look at the Commander, suspended and oddly peaceful looking, before turning yourself to follow.

 

-

 

 

-

 

 

-

 

Once dumped and abandoned outside of the familiar doors, you ambled to your quarters. You mentally checked off the only thing you had on your day’s list of things to do and wondered what the base had in store for your wandering curiosities. The short nap earlier was starting to lose the little bit of power it had had on your body, causing you to mostly yawn on your walk back. Your hand brushed the fruit in your pocket; you slowed down to pull it out and look at it’s deep green color. If you were any more tired you may have taken a bite out of it. Or maybe your fatigue would have heightened the paranoia already swimming laps around your brain. Either way, you doubted it would have ever been eaten or licked out of fear for what Kylo Ren himself was so nervous about. You stepped through the blaster doors, fully intent on hurling what you held at the figure sitting on your bed in the dark. The light from the open doors illuminated your back and cast a few slivers onto the small woman, head bent over and resting in her hands. She looked up at you.

“Hara..?” You asked. 

She stood up and made a few steps towards you before noticing what you held in your hands, pausing to look between you and the fruit a few times.

“I was only doing…what he told me to do…” she slowly choked out, tears welling up in her big, brown eyes. “I didn’t want to spy on you but he said-he said that you needed someone to watch over you and he asked-“

“Hara. Stop” you pleaded, the lack of sleep showing through in the way your voice broke when you asked. Her confession gave you a slight peace of mind but brought up further questions about how and why Kylo Ren had asked his ex-lover to stalk you.

“I’m so sorry,” she said over and over again as a few tears spilled onto her petite face. Her hands worked furiously at rubbing the wetness from her eyes. You dropped the apple and stepped towards her, rubbing her back as you brought her into your arms. You forgot how easily she cried.

“Why did you agree to it,” you asked. “After what he did, why did you-“ the rest of the question died on your lips. You knew why she said yes. Why she still pined after him, hoping for the tiniest of thanks, job well dones. Why he took advantage of her willingness.

Her breathing calmed down as did her sniffles, slowing until she was ready enough to pick her head up off of your shoulder. You stiffened, expecting a vindictive countenance considering what you technically were to her. She sighed and smiled as best she could before staring.

“I was worried about you enough, before everything blew up. I didn’t want you to go through what I did,” she said. A very pregnant pause lingered, full of imagined scenarios of her begging, pleading to see him again, crying when he said no, the fitful sleep at knowing he had moved on completely to _her_.

You swallowed hard at the realization that you may have caused some of her sadness. You had never intended..

“I’m not asking for sympathy,” she stated. “Looking back, I knew full and well that he had promised me nothing. I read into his actions and assigned intent where there was none. Even now, I know he is using me but I just can’t,” she laughed. “I can’t say ‘no’ to him.” You smirked some and looked at her, really looked at her. Her disheveled hair, cut short and showcasing her delicate features. You could see why such a soft person would attract a hard, poisonous man like Kylo Ren until he felt guilty. Until he looked at the virtuous flower with contempt every time he ruined her, bit by bit, knowing the petals he was plucking off weren’t going to grow back. That the tears she cried could be counted and tallied against him.

You wanted to smush your cheeks against hers and rub your confidence into her skin. You had days worth of gratitude built up that she desperately needed to receive but you waited for her story to end.

“I’ve never thought much of myself. So when the commander of the First Order wanted me, wanted to spend more than a few minutes in my presence.. I was starved. For attention, for touch, for being wanted. And when he stopped wanting to give that to me, I couldn’t handle it. I decided that I would take what he gave me,” _wow doesn’t that sound familiar, “_ When he came to me and asked me to watch you, I was distraught but so happy that he would even think of me. That I was given this small spot in his mind, even though you existed to him. When he told me to get you and leave the base. When he asked me to watch you, not knowing what would happen to either of you. **He** asked _me,”_ she said with a sad smile.

You opened your mouth to ask a question. You hadn’t even decided which one to ask because they were all so equally important and the desire to know the answers were uniformly weighted.

Murray burst through the door, a look of pure incredulity on his strong features. You looked from him to Hara, the same exact look on hers. You took the time to study how similar but different they were. How her softness cuddled up to his, despite how much he tried to hide it behind his rough exterior. You remembered how easily he swept her up in the cafeteria, talked her down quietly. The look on his face was one full of understanding and empathy. And hope. Your eyes grew wide as his hesitant feelings dawned on you.

“What about what I asked you?” He asked. You took a step back to give them some space cause you were almost certain this would get good. “I asked you to ignore him and stay away from him. I’ll admit that it helped _someone_ out,” he said, pointing at you, “to bend to his will.” He was agitated and trying not to peak, the tendons in his arm flexed knowing this was fragile territory to discuss, even if you weren’t in the room.

“I’m still trying…” she whispered. He took small steps towards her, pausing for any kind of reaction she might give that he needed to stop. And it never came. He wrapped his arms around her, a vine to her trellis. Taking hold wherever she would let him grow. He guided her to sit down on his bed, heads pressed together as she confessed to her lingering feelings, for not taking his advice seriously, for ignoring what she knew would be better for her. He took her hand and rubbed small patterns onto the top of it as he swore off his anger and promised patience where there had previously been little.

It didn’t take long for you to realize the moment had moved past what you and Hara were discussing but that was fine. You had the gist of what was going on and while you didn’t have the best feeling about Kylo commissioning her to watch you… what wasn’t there to understand?

So you left.

And you wandered.

And you wondered.

Wondered what your own reunion would be like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is like complete smut. I'm thinking hot reunion sex and hot command shuttle sex. And maybe finally a kiss or some conversation. Who the hell knows..
> 
> Thank you again for being the best


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this to BITE, Sugar We’re Going Down, and sexy bachata covers of John Legend
> 
> I've been sitting on this chapter mostly because every time I tried to write, I just wasn't happy with what I read. Nothing felt right and it felt forced. So I took a few weeks off, discovered new music, and kind of let it write itself. Looking back at the previous versions, they were basically shit. *Disclaimer: if you think this chapter is also shit then please let me know, I won't do anything about it but it would be a nice perspective

_ Kiss me on the mouth and set me free _

_Sing me like a choir_

_I can be the subject of your dreams_

_Your sickening desire_

_Don't you wanna see a man up close_

_A phoenix in the fire_

_So kiss me on the mouth and set me free_

_ But please, don't ~~bite~~  run _

-

Troye Sivan

 

 

It would be days before you even got a whiff of Hux and therefore news of Commander Ren’s release. Which meant..

Hours later, a fresh wave of gossip said he would be leaving tomorrow morning. Information that circulated about Kylo Ren was usually always accurate; everyone wanted to know where he was and the minute he left, false rumors just got hopes up and that wasn’t appreciated-or tolerated-very well.

It’s not like you expected anything.

You repeated this and similar mantras throughout the day, as you worked-the base had an influx of paperwork to be maintained which led to plenty of jobs for plenty of available workers-, as you ate, as you stared out of giant windows the size of an entire building, as you ate more.

You had had a meeting earlier that morning with a hiring specialist about a new position. There were plenty of openings at other bases or if you wanted to stay jobs similar and different to your last and said you would get back to the end of the week _may have the answer on her desk by tomorrow at lunch_

You stopped to rub your eyes and hopefully get some blood flowing to your brain. You weren’t going to hinge a potentially important career decision on a man. You only had a few more years on your contract so you should be thinking about where you wanted to end up.

A flash of pale, muscular arms resting near your temple, your back resting on soft, cotton-y sheets with his body resting above yours entered your imagination. Okay, okay. That would be nice, too. But they were serving something good tonight for dinner and you weren’t going to let him take that from you. It’s not like the last romp or two didn’t provide plenty of spank bank material.

 

-

 

 

-

 

 

-

 

Sleep was fitful that night. You had to wake up for the early morning shift so it was more of a nap than anything but the thought of him leaving soon made your heart palpitate at a speed that wasn’t suitable for deep sleep. You looked at the clock and realized you worked in three hours; there wasn’t any point in thinking you would get much more rest. It would be nice to take a walk around the base and eat a slow breakfast.

You pulled your hair into a loose bun and put on the most comfortable outfit you had. Your finger grazed the sturdy wool of his cowl. You were tempted but didn’t exactly want to brazenly wear such a trademark look around. Standard issue jacket would have to do.

You meandered. Wandered. Endless hallways, some busy, some empty for what seemed like a mile or two. Maybe you would stay here. Libraries were plentiful and you had passed by at least half a dozen novelties that Starkiller base didn’t have.

You found yourself once again in a part of the ship with a massively, open view of the space surrounding the ship, face close to the cold glass. The puffs of air coming from your mouth created small spots on the window, disappearing seconds later. A few stars weren’t too far off and if you squinted hard enough you could see a handful of planets in the distance. You imagined all of the lives being lived just in the area that you were currently staring at, much less beyond that and beyond that. You imagined how many options you had; all of the untapped opportunities that were just a decision or two away. You leaned forward and rested your forehead on the few inches separating you from whatever out there that was waiting for you. You just didn’t know it yet.

You turned your back towards whatever it was and walked a few hallways over to the hangar. Ships waiting to take off, others coming in and unloading supplies. The brisk, open air layout had you shivering as you walked towards the cafeteria. At least it was warm here.

The clamor of stomping boots and multiple voices flooded your senses from every direction. You walked faster and right into the hallway opening Kylo Ren was storming down. If looking out into the stars didn’t make you feel like small and insignificant than watching the tall form of the Commander advance on you did. You spurred your feet to move forward and they did, fast. You took off running, turning left at the next available opportunity. Sprinting and turning at random, you could hear the sound of his steps echoing in time with the beat of your heart.

All at once, hands grabbed at your body, turning your back towards the wall with a strong arm on either side of you. He lowered his head and you could hear the slight hitch in his breathing as he tried to calm it.

“Do not run from me,” he commanded, stopping most of your body from working in that moment. You nodded your head and shrinked against the wall, knocking your head back and sighing out of exasperation; you had already set your course. Hours before he left was when he felt it necessary to see you? Fuck. That. You slammed your foot down on his, hoping it would make him move away. He finally looked up at you without even a flinch and ran his gloved fingers across your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. “Is that how it’s going to be?” He asked.

He stood straight up, looked down the hallway, and grabbed your wrist before pulling you forward and behind him.

“You can’t j-” you stated, trying to pry his hand off with no such luck. He swiped his hand against the wall and opened a door a few feet away from where you were standing. It was mostly empty and probably used for storage but as the door shut behind you, you knew it would serve a better purpose. He barely had time to turn around and goad you with something rude before your hands were working furiously at his pants. You heard the air release from his helmet and then a thunk, still gloved hands cupping your chin and bringing your eyes up to face him. His eyes looked heated in every sense of the word; the warm, lusty hue of them drew you in and that was it. 

“I’m sorry,” was all he said before his lips met yours, your bottom one sandwiched in between yours as he sucked it into his hot mouth. You groaned, realizing then that your own fingers would have never made up for the pure, unadulturated bliss you knew was headed your way. Abandoning his pants, you wove your hands through his dark waves and pulled him down to your level, enjoying the way his hands slid down your back and under your shirt. The feel of leather against the sensitive skin of the small of your back made you wild with the desire you had been staving off.

He used your momentary distraction to work your lips with his teeth, nipping them until you were sure they were a deep red. He tugged your lower lip down and ran the tip of his tongue against your bottom teeth, slipping over them and into your mouth before brushing up against your own tongue. The moan you emitted seemed to vibrate across and into his own mouth as he ground his hips into yours. You pulled on his hair, bringing you further in, and then let go to trail light kisses on his face and down his scar, relying purely on memory. You could feel the soft and scarring skin beneath your lips and took extra care to be as gentle as you could be with the intense fire currently growing in between your legs; you imagined how he would look, scars and all, under the fresher with water streaming down his skin. You followed the scar down his neck and over to his shoulder; you traced the wound with one hand, cupping his balls with your other. He grunted, tightening the hold he still had on your waist. You slid down further until you could feel the slight twitches coming from his cock against your nose. You didn’t bother opening your eyes because, sadly, the room was too dark to give you a glimpse of the thick member that already had you salivating.

Thankful for the earlier prep work you had done, his pants came undone easily, hanging off his firm but full backside. You blew a breath out from between your rounded lips and felt him jerk away from you before pushing back and bumping into your cheek. You rolled your head slightly to the side and opened your mouth to let him in. There may have been a small to medium size hiss escape between his teeth but he pressed forward, sinking his dick into the warm, wet caverns of your mouth that his tongue simply couldn’t reach. You pulled your tongue back in your mouth and rubbed as much as you could around his head before pushing and twisting it around his shaft. You ran your hands up his legs, grinding your nails into the back of his thighs as your mouth engulfed as much of his cock as it could handle. The choking noise he made echoed in the tiny room, earning a shiver down your spine that you promptly sent back through his own body when you moaned, vibrations from the back of your throat giving him a brief overload of pleasure.

“Fuck, fucking fuck,” he hissed. You slowly slid your mouth off and popped your lips when they let go of his head. You wrapped your fingers around the base of his shaft, running your tongue over it’s entirety and stopping occasionally to suck a few more times on the tip. With your other hand, you snuck your hand down the front of your pants and brushed lightly over your clit. You gasped when an invisible finger began tracing along the soft skin next to your slit, teasing you when it would almost get there but not quite. You inhaled and took him in again, getting closer each and every time to having him completely in your mouth. You moved your tongue against the underside of his shaft, attempting to reach the tip of your tongue further out in search of his balls, hands finishing the job by cupping and palming. 

All at once, the extra help spiked upwards and straight into your cunt. Your mouth squeezed into an ‘o’ shape at the full, static-y feeling of The Force working inside of you; you continued fumbling at your clit but you could feel everything coming to a climax once that same, slightly electric force brushed against the puckered entrance of your ass. You worked a furious pace on his shaft, abandoning any thoughts of cleanliness, saliva and precum mixing to create the right amount of slick-

You were hoisted up, back pinned to the wall, and mouth assaulted as your pants were practically ripped down to your ankles and pulled off by the force. One of Kylo’s hands pushed your panties to the side and then he was in. Sturdy arms held you upright but nothing was keeping your mind from soaring as he rammed himself to his hilt, pausing for a second to relish in the heat of your pussy, starved for days. He bent his head to the crook of your neck and moved his lips against the flushed skin there; you couldn’t make out exactly what he was saying but you heard your name peppered in with-

“Fuuuuck,” he groaned, as you flexed your walls, squeezing him and arching your back to line him up with a spot you knew would have you seeing stars within minutes. With more of your neck exposed, he worked his way up right under your earlobe, alternating between sucking the skin there and moaning into your hair. His thrusting adopted a haphazard pace as everything was coming to a climax. Breaths came out erratically, sweat fell and ran onto the other, you wiped your forehead off and went to wipe his with the back of your hand, sliding your fingers into the hair near his temple. You rubbed your clit one last time before his own thrusting hit a much better spot, removing any sort of coherent thought as long as your body was feeling _that_

He swallowed hard and whispered, “Come with me.”

You could feel him, hard as a rock and trying to hang on until you were there yourself. His mouth came close to yours, lips rubbing at the corner of your own. The tip of his cock thrust once more and sent you falling, spiraling with your eyes closed, anchored by where your body joined with his. His shoulders shook, crying out and bumping his teeth against your chin as he continued to thrust, milking himself with your pliant and trembling core. He continued to lightly kiss the area around your mouth as you slowly came down, soul sliding back into your body as you slid down the wall. Hoping your legs worked by the time your feet hit the floor. You continued sliding, ass hitting the ground and looking up to where his dick should be, contemplating how needy you would look for sticking him back in your mouth. Your emotions bottomed out and dropped at the realization that this was it. An empty feeling took root all over, your body and your brain, taking over for the hurt that was bound to come riding in soon.

“I was serious. Come with me,” he said, with the tiniest bit of pleading seeping in. Ever since his own abandoned emotions had taken up residence in the dark recesses of your mind, you had noticed you could feel his emotions a bit more sincerely, like they were your own but more tentative and just barely a signal you could pick up. You didn’t have to ask to know that he was nervous; that this was either new territory or a new emotion.

You stood up and rearranged your underwear, sweeping your hands over the ground in search for your pants and slid them over your legs.

“Do you have a favorite piece of clothing?” You asked, curious and a little too nervous yourself to acknowledge what he wanted. 

“A..what?” He countered

“A favorite piece of clothing. You know, a shirt or pair of pants that you always know how to put on right. You could grab it from a a pile and never have to look at it to know how it goes on. It feels right every single time, the most comfortable thing you could put on. Do you have one?” You ask, fear creeping into your voice as you straightened your back. In hindsight, this probably wasn’t the easiest topic of conversation but you needed something to go off of, something to ease the rollercoasters currently operating in your brain and stomach.

He held his hand out and with a whoosh of air, his helmet landed in his outstretched palm. He slid it on and clicked the buttons that made it stay. You stood there, silent and waiting, thinking of the life this one choice would bring you. You thought of who you would watch him become, who you would become along the way. 

“A cowl,” he uttered in a low, mechanical tone. “There’s a cowl I have-had. It felt just a tad softer and had a hole in one of the corners. I always knew I would have a productive day with it on.” You walked past him as he opened the door, beaming at the newly garnered information until the harsh light from outside the closet hit your eyes. You could feel the warmth coming his body as he stepped out and stopped behind you. He started walking towards the hangar but your hand pulled him back. He looked back at you, a small tendril of fear and rejection snaking it’s way into the moment between you two. 

“I have to get a few things, if that’s okay,” you asked. While miniscule, the clothes you had on the ship _were_ the only clothes in your possession. Besides, you had a hole-y hood he may be happy to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize profusely for the delay, the shortness of the chapter, and also for the bad-ish news.
> 
> I'm taking November to focus on NaNoWriMo and the rest of the year to decide where I want to go with this fic. It was just a drabble-y type writing exercise but the plot kind of spiraled away from me and morphed into something I wasn't prepared to write.
> 
> That being said, the next chapter will start the next work in this series. I would like to write a work per movie but if I'm going to finish this (which I would like to, I would hate to leave it like this) I need time to outline better and see exactly where this is taking me.
> 
> Absolute worst case scenario: I end up lying and never touch this again. Worst case scenario: I come back soon but maybe not January. Best case: I'm back in January with a detailed plan and loads more dialogue (sorry guys that's something i kinda suck with but I wanted them to have an awkward/unconventional start). I have many, many fic ideas and only so much time so even if I don't come back in January with this specific story, I'll have something else for you.
> 
> Anywho, this is it for now. Happy, happy holidays and thank you very VERY much for following me so far. I've loved hearing from everyone and you have no idea how much every kudos, hit, comment etc notification has brightened my day. For anyone that wants to link up during NaNoWriMo, my username is the same. <3


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